from the age of 9 to 16, i was bashed and raped constantly.
my first suicide attempt was at 13 when I was caught by my mum. I have been suicidal ever since to varying degrees. I have had several half hearted attempts but normally conceal them in reckless behavior. Recently my memories of what happened resurfaced and I have been devastated. I am seeing a councilor and am on medication. I just need the memories to stop and i can’t see any other way of guaranteeing that. I Have 2 lovely nieces and that is what has stopped me so far but I need it to end now not in 10 years time.
5 comments
I’m really sorry to hear that. I know that doesn’t help, not even a little bit. But I don’t know what else to say. She doesn’t blame you, you were an amazing friend to her. She was very lucky to have someone like you.
please don’t dwell on the past.
God has saved me from memories that made me wish i was dead – He can save you too.
please let me talk to you about Him, see my post here: http://suicideproject.org/2009/12/please-read/
you
are
amazing.
you
have
so
much
persistance
to
live.
you obviously have something important to do on this earth.
please, look for something brighter.
its coming for all of us.
I have a very special friend that has been threw exactly that…she was raped for many years and has just gotten out…and the only reason she is still living is because of me and her little sister who she doesn’t really get to see very much…she has tried to commit suicide so many times that i have lost count! I feel for her deeply because she is in my heart and wont ever leave…and it seems to me like even thou you only have a few ppl who are keeping you alive right now that is going to be enough, keep thinking about them when your feeling like you need to do something, you remind me so much of my friend and i want you to prove that everyone else out there who has gone threw what you have gone threw can do this…Babe you can do this!!!
I haven’t been here in ages, truthfully I haven’t had the need, I had counselling and I was on Anti depressants until about a year ago then whack here I am again. all because my niece bit me and I smacked her and got told how I had betrayed her for doing so. I just aren’t interested in fighting any more. I get back up and start making progress and just get slapped down. God can’t help me, he has no interest. My dad is a minister and even that didn’t change a thing. I can remember crawling out of bed at 3am the night after I was first raped and kneeling to pray. I told him I would do anything he wanted me to do if he could just help me get away from this. the answer I got was to be raped again the next day. I repeated that prayer for years with no help. even when I told teachers I got a detention for bad language. i am a guy and I can’t do simple guy things without freezing or getting stressed. I can’t watch footy, can’t date, cant even wear a tie because of the memories. All I ever see is the dissapointment I am to others and all I hear is how I fucked up everything.