Hey, I’m not exactly sure how this site works because it’s completely different from every other forum I’ve been on. …and I’m on a lot of them.
I guess it’s a form of escapism. I’m admin on a few forums, moderator on several. I spend altogether too much time on the internet.
About three years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve had problems with self-harm for years and am in my second year of college. It’s taking everything that I am to not drop out of school right now. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts in almost 6 months so I was generally happy for awhile but this last month or so has just been rough. I’ve been sleeping WAY too much, missing classes, and just hoping that eventually I just stop waking up.
I’m 19 and just recently came to terms with the fact that I’m genderqueer. I’m an atheist and happily so. Two years ago my parents separated. Six months ago they got divorced. My father got remarried two days before the divorce was finalized which is technically illegal and he knew that but everyone was too stunned to actually say something. He’d apparently been seeing this woman for two years previous to that and none of us knew about it. Ah, he also has Borderline Personality Disorder.
I haven’t been able to focus on anything this entire semester and, as a result, may end up failing two classes. My GPA’s already horrible because of my breakdown last year so I’d just lose my financial aid so I wouldn’t be able to pay for school.
I just…feel so helpless…and angry….and worthless all at the same time. I just want it all to stop.
11 comments
If you wanna talk about anything, you can send me an email. I check them everyday so dont hesistate to send me one.
(silly.snowball@yahoo.com)
lol Thanks but you’d think after awhile of posting the same thing, you’d get sick of it. Do you actually take time to read all of the posts you’ve commented on or are you just filling in the blanks now?
an atheist and happily so? but you’re not a happy person? that doesn’t quite mix.
there’s a saying, “be God or let God”, and it goes for everyone, because even if you believe in God, you can very easily be your own God, and many people do that.
unless you are 100% certain that there is no God (which takes a lot of faith…more than it takes to believe IN God, supposedly), then please read my post here, and talk to me – there is much more evidence for God than you are aware of, and there is no evidence against Him – none. my post is here: http://suicideproject.org/2009/12/please-read-this-2/
Atheists can be depressive too you know K3T, and sorry, but just because you’ve accepted christianity doesn’t mean all your pain is magically taken away, or that life suddenly becomes meaningful. Oh dear if that’s what your leading people to believe then shame on you and your church, cuz that’s an empty promise… =(
I’m an atheist, and I’m unhappy and suicidal, but I’d rather be an unhappy atheist anyway than a delusional religious nutter. Sorry no offense, but that’s how I see it.
@K3T K3T K3T, when I said, “Atheist and happily so” I meant that religion plays no part in my life. I rather enjoy not forcing myself to believe something that I, in truth, have no actual belief in. I rather enjoy not lying to others when they ask me if I believe in a god. For YEARS I tried to force myself to believe and live as others said I should and honestly, I was miserable.
True, I may not be the happiest right now but none of the reasons why have to do with religion. It takes no effort on my part to not believe in a god. Haha, “which takes a lot of faith”. K3T, being an atheist takes no “faith” whatsoever. I’m not sure if you know what “faith” means if you think it has anything to do with atheism at all.
I would appreciate it if instead of expecting others to look to religion to solve all of their problems, you respected their right to believe or not believe as they see fit. You may believe “god” is the only way but all I see is you putting a religion bandaid over your real issues. Which, honestly, is no skin off my back if you feel that is the best way to “fix” everything.
@Shelly, please don’t call people nutters simply because they have different beliefs. It’s really not nice.
K3T, you should probably clear up the ‘christianity makes everything magically better’ thing. cus’ thats not how it works
And Nibby by saying your an athiest I think u mean that you dont think about religion at all.
Why should I be nice Nibby!? The sort of people with those whacko religious beliefs are the very people that given a chance would marginalize, persecute and vilify people like myself and the person who wrote this post. As it is they make alot of vulnerable young queer people feel intensely ashamed of who they are just because they happen to be different, and in too many instances these young people are driven to suicide by that unrelenting intolerance. U_U
So please, Nibby, don’t ask me to be nice to them cuz I can’t…
I agree. Religion has so many ‘rules’ of what you can and can’t think/do/be. By people shoving it down our throats, and us not being able to live up to it ISNT HELPING US FFS.
wanttohelp330, By saying I’m an atheist, I mean that I don’t believe in the traditional idea of “god”. I do not believe in all powerful sentient beings. I do think about religion as an institution because it permeates everything in life. It’s in our governments, affecting our education, dictating our laws, and making us afraid to speak up. I think about religion all the time. I simply have no desire to force myself to label my beliefs to make other people more comfortable. I am against organized religion and do not believe in (a) sentient all-powerful being(s), therefore I am an atheist.
Shelly, I wrote this post. I do not feel persecuted or attacked for my beliefs because my beliefs are no one else’s business. For a long time I did feel incredibly ashamed of who I am because of their laws and customs but I have come to realize that even though I was and am treated like shit, I will be mature. I do not blame them because they are brainwashed even though they blame me for being honest. Fighting fire with fire only makes both sides get burnt to a crisp. I will not ask you to be nice, but I will point out that you’re wrong.
I have no need for religion. That is the simple truth. For those of you who can believe, I’m glad you are happy as such. For those of you who can’t believe, I am also happy you are. I can’t believe out of all the things I said, this is the one tiny detail people picked out to focus on. lol It’s rather amusing and interesting.
Okay I didn’t know you wrote it, and yes, maybe I sometimes have an automatic knee jerk reaction to people I perceive as, well… religious jerks.