new to this site

  December 7th, 2009 by en_causa_sui

Hey, I’m not exactly sure how this site works because it’s completely different from every other forum I’ve been on. …and I’m on a lot of them.

I guess it’s a form of escapism. I’m admin on a few forums, moderator on several. I spend altogether too much time on the internet.

About three years ago I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I’ve had problems with self-harm for years and am in my second year of college. It’s taking everything that I am to not drop out of school right now. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts in almost 6 months so I was generally happy for awhile but this last month or so has just been rough. I’ve been sleeping WAY too much, missing classes, and just hoping that eventually I just stop waking up.

I’m 19 and just recently came to terms with the fact that I’m genderqueer. I’m an atheist and happily so. Two years ago my parents separated. Six months ago they got divorced. My father got remarried two days before the divorce was finalized which is technically illegal and he knew that but everyone was too stunned to actually say something. He’d apparently been seeing this woman for two years previous to that and none of us knew about it. Ah, he also has Borderline Personality Disorder.

I haven’t been able to focus on anything this entire semester and, as a result, may end up failing two classes. My GPA’s already horrible because of my breakdown last year so I’d just lose my financial aid so I wouldn’t be able to pay for school.

I just…feel so helpless…and angry….and worthless all at the same time. I just want it all to stop.

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