I have been depressed off and on for about 5-6 years. It seems to come and go, but when I am down, I get really down. I dont think, for the most part, that anyone around me cares or even takes me seriously.
Even though I dont come out and tell people how bad my depression hurts, they know I am suffering. I call friends and family and even tell then that I am in a deep and life threatening depression and you know what? It doesnt seem to matter to anyone.
I think what prompted this depression I am in right now is mainly being lonely and feeling helpless to what is going on in my relationship and other things in my life.
First of all, my husband is deployed forÂ nine months and I dont really have his support, for what support he could give me from nine thousand miles away, that is. He is so hard on me when I try to reach out to him. Basically, he lives his job and I just get in the way when I reach out to him. He even has threatened to leave me because of my depression. Wow, this definalty doesnt help me. In fact, this christmas when I received nothing from him and my birthday (when he forgot it) seemd to be the knife through the heart. I knew he had time to send gifts and think about christmas because he sent his teenage son (my step son) many nice gifts, however he looked over the needs of me and our 5 month old son.
How could he pass us by on two of the most important days of the year? Christmas and my birthday? I was heartbroken. Deeply heartbroken. So when I got upset I was threatened with divorce. I begged him to stay with me and he said he would but only if I got help.
So…one person I have reached out to and I feel isnt taking me seriously.
I talk about how I feel with friends and family members. No one come to see me, no visits, no phone calls. Talk about feeling alone. I have never felt so alone and uncared about in my life.
I bet people wonder why I dont come over on holidays, why I dont go visit them and why I shut myself up in my house and dont go out or socialize, but I have practically screamed help! Do they just not care? Are they even listening to me? I truely wonder.
Everyone has their families. Their lives and their own problems. I guess I just sound like a whining baby to everyone. They probably find me silly or rediculous or a pain to be around. I dont know.
All I know is the people that I would expect to depend on the most dont seem to care. Not even my husband. How am i suppose to get better or get support when the people closet to me are ignoring my cries for help?