December 3rd, 2009 by SheWas

So i sit here every few days and I cry
I don’t want to ever come out of the dark.
I’m safe in the dark, i know where it leads.
Sunshine is only a mind tease, a reminder of something I can’t have.
So many fucked up things.
I lose everyone I love.
I just want to lose myself.
I just want to be lost forever.
I want everyone to forget about me so I can just do it.
I want to die.
I pray to die every day.
I am 20 years old, when I was 16 they called it a “phase”.
When will this phase be over?
I can’t deal with the pain anymore, it eats away at me every second of every day.
It’s a self inflicted pain, for temporary moments of happiness, fake happiness.
I am literally nothing.
I am words on paper, that can be burnt as quickly as they’ve been written.
I hurt other people. They always end up hurt, because of me.
Why is it so hard to just be?
Why can’t I just disappear?
The only thing stopping me, that has ever stopped me is the people I love.
I wish they would let go.
I don’t want to suffer anymore.
I feel like I’m living dead.

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