So i sit here every few days and I cry
I don’t want to ever come out of the dark.
I’m safe in the dark, i know where it leads.
Sunshine is only a mind tease, a reminder of something I can’t have.
So many fucked up things.
I lose everyone I love.
I just want to lose myself.
I just want to be lost forever.
I want everyone to forget about me so I can just do it.
I want to die.
I pray to die every day.
I am 20 years old, when I was 16 they called it a “phase”.
When will this phase be over?
I can’t deal with the pain anymore, it eats away at me every second of every day.
It’s a self inflicted pain, for temporary moments of happiness, fake happiness.
I am literally nothing.
I am words on paper, that can be burnt as quickly as they’ve been written.
I hurt other people. They always end up hurt, because of me.
Why is it so hard to just be?
Why can’t I just disappear?
The only thing stopping me, that has ever stopped me is the people I love.
I wish they would let go.
I don’t want to suffer anymore.
I feel like I’m living dead.
..
5 comments
There’s a old “Alice In Chains” lyrics that goes, “loneliness is not a phase”. I’m 25 and sometimes I feel that way. and I know things seem hopeless right now. But trust me, there are people who care and love you. The dark may be comforting but you are meant for so much more in life. It’s hard trying to forget the mistakes, but if you keep thinking about the past, then you end up trapped in the past. give me a shout out at SMK5Q2@hotmail.com. I won’t push religion on you, I just don’t want you to be severly depressed or do something horrible.
I remember when i was told it was just a phase to…im almost 22 and those feelings STILL come up…i still hope its just a phase that i got stuk in for a lil too long…but even if its not a phase, even if its just an addition to my life, i have to keep pushing on…
what it comes down to, is that theres ALWAYS someone who loves yu…
please dnt think that all you do is hurt people, because im POSITIVE thats not the case. my fiance feels like all he does is hurt people and that hes going to eventually lose everyone he loves, because thats how his life has worked out so far…but im here to tell him everyday that he hasnt lost me, and that he has plenty of people who will love him and who would be hurt if he was to ever leave us…
find people to surround yourself with that can be that emotional, and positive anchor. find happiness in the little things…once you have those things…the feelings of your “just a phase” will come less often…trust me…its what got me through the last 2 years of my life…without it, ii wouldnt be here. keep ur head up and lean on those who know how yu feel. hawaiiansurfergrrl@yahoo.com hit me up if yu EVER need to…im always here to give advice or jus shut up and listen. <3
Man,
I understand.
The feeling of feeling alone.
The feeling of being forgotten,
Of being absolutely fruastrated.
I guess all I can say is that you have to keep reaching for the light.
You’re young, you can make it.
I believe that we can all dig our way out of this rut.
i really don’t want you to feel that way. will you please give me a chance to try to help you?
one of two things i want you to realize is that suicide is selfish.
but more importantly is the 2nd thing: that you haven’t killed yourself yet for unselfish reasons. you need to acknowledge this. please realize that it is a self-centered lifestyle that leads to unhappiness, it leads to death of all kinds. but being not self-centered, and letting yourself serve others, will lead you to become a happier person.
please don’t lose faith in God. faith is believing He will, not just that He can.
please read my post here: http://suicideproject.org/2009/12/please-read-2/
nice poems if you wanna exchange some with me, email me ;D i gots some taht i think you’ll like.
(silly.snowball@yaho.com)