This pain …. this time of sadness

The most important person in my life died 3 days ago. Its currently 2 am, the second night I have to cope. I feel sad, empty, lonely. No medical help available as the local mental health service put the “stamp” on me: attention seeker, borderliner.
I just could scream ……………. scream ………………… scream. Life is not fair.
I have to concentrate on my to children (7 and 9). I have to force myself to imagine their faces. They need me….