What do you do when you Feel like your dead, but you haven’t died?

December 2nd, 2009by MayDarkSmith

Hey,

My story is probably just like yours…just a little different i guess. My story isn’t long but it’s something at least… In short, I can’t be myself. My mother is against my sexuality and the person that I’m involved with and I am now home schooled in the hope of keeping me away from this person…it doesn’t make since. Everyone wants me back at school even the people that are against me and yet still my mother does these things. I can’t do any of the coping skills that I’ve been taught to do because she doesn’t like them apparently…

In one year i will be gone and away from this stupid house that i live in…i’m turing 17 soon and I wish i was turning 18 instead. But i guess you can’t dwell on wishes can you??? Anyways, I’m waiting…I’m waiting to be with my love now because i can’t see or talk to her… i don’t know why i love her the way that i do but i do…i couldn’t help it. She will wait for me too i know this for surtain but the problem is simply that it’s hard when you want something so bad and you can’t have it…it hurts me terribly and my mother doesn’t even care. She has sent me away 5 times, and the only reason i am back is because she missed me or what ever….i don’t care what she thinks of me anymore because by her taking me away from my friends and my true love, all it’s done is made me want to cut even more then usual and just a few months ago i tried to commit suicide…it didn’t work of course because i’m still here but…i don’t know anymore i guess. I’v been forced away from my religion and so i don’t believe in anything anymore…

I don’t know what i should do and i don’t know what I’m going to do about my mother who thinks shes doing what she thinks is best for me when really all she had done is pushed me down even further…can’t she see that i’m happier when i’m with my friends or when i’m with my love???

I’ve been dealing with this for a year now and i have one more left before i can be reunited with my baby girl…if she is still waiting for me that is…

When I’m 18…if i’m still alive by then…I’m gone. These people will be out of my life and it will just be me and my girl.

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