January 1st, 2010 by Idec

Just started high school few months ago i was excited of going to high school so excited, but not anymore since i moved to a different city. I thought it was gonna be great being with my friends and hopefully getting back with my ex-girl friend who would make me happy she had a nice personality, and really pretty she is everything i ever wanted. Out of all my girl friends i loved her so much i never actually knew how love felt and well now i know and i know how much it hurts and the other girls i dated i felt nothing compared to what i felt for her. And i was her first boy friend maybe i still am she said she hasn’t dated anyone else cuz shes waiting for another perfect guy she can be with (texted her like a few weeks ago) . We went out for 6months when i was in 7th grade till 8th she broke up with me like when 8th grade started since she is in 1 grade higher then me and we couldn’t see each other (i guess that’s why she dumped me) . But yeah we would talk ALOT and i felt safe telling her my problems in my life like family problems anyways when she broke up with me i felt like shit and i still do. Started cutting my wrist.. i regret that i still wasn’t to the point of killing myself, i had friends. Then during the summer i felt really lonely i wasn’t seeing any friends moved to the different city. High school started i knew no one and so far from these months i made 2 friends and most likely that’s all the friends that ill have. I’m so lonely in all my classes no one to talk to, I’m to shy to actually say hi to someone only reason why i got those 2 as friends cuz they came and talked to me during lunch since i would just be sitting by myself. But it doesn’t feel the same like my old friends. (Had tons of friends at my old school, i would even have more if i went to the other high school i was suppose to go to) . But i don’t know seems like i just can’t make friends anymore from the depression and not caring anymore. I just imagine how it would be like to be at the other high school with friends and the ex-girl friend thinking how it would be so nice . I don’t think ill even have another girl friend hmm i don’t know maybe i turned to ugly or maybe i been ugly and the girls just dated me cuz they felt sorry for me. And my problems don’t stop here I’m getting really bad grades I’m scared of not passing high school they told us no summer school cuz of the economy. I wanna make my mom proud of me for doing good in school but i just can’t do it anymore, i try to get help i try my best but in the end i still seem to fail. I wanna get my life over with and just die but I’m scared of dying knowing that there’s not gonna me nuthin better for me if i die. I just want the pain to go away and i want it to be like it use to be.
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