To begin with I have considered suicide for far too long in my life. I am now 22 and when I was 15 I did try to end it. I took a bottle of asprin and landed myself in the hospital but obviously I am still alive. It didn’t do much except wreck my liver. There was a time when I was happy that my life didn’t end that night but thats not now. Last year I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years didn’t want to be with me anymore and had been talking to other women online and phone. I didn’t know what to do. I had many people tell me to break up with him but I can’t do it. I don’t want to be alone and I know I won’t find someone else.  I quit my job at the begining of last year thinking that not having the stress of the particular job anymore would help the feelings it didn’t. I was unemployed for a long time and bounced from job to job until I ended right back where I started from. Only now I am working more hours for less money and dealing with more crap than I used to. The economy here isn’t great so I don’t think I will be able to find another job anytime soon. My family is a royal mess. Christmas consisted of everyone being drunk and fighting with each other. Then my mother kicked me out of the storage unit we share which I also payed for most of and I moved all my stuff into my house on christmas. I don’t know what to do anymore. everytime over the last couple of years that I have thought “hey maybe things will get better now” it hasn’t. Things have only got progressively worse. I don’t expect a miracle that by writing this and sharing it that I will feel better. I know that won’t happen. But I also know that I don’t have the courage to off myself for now so I will go on everyday hoping that I get the guts to do it. Or a real miracle will happen and I will figure out how to be happy.
3 comments
I don’t know what to type but i will write this. Your boyfriend is a-hole and doesn’t deserve you. Being alone is almost worse than pain to me, but you shouldn’t stick around with someone who betrayed you, just because you don’t want to be alone. Cause their just going to hurt you again. I hope you feel better =)
Ok seriously, DUMP YOUR BOYFRIEND. I’ve made the stupid mistake in a 4-year relationship being with a bastard who didn’t treat me right because I was ”scared to be alone”. For FOUR years. My whole group of friends was his friends and my life revolved around him. Last year I finally decided enough and I dumped him and guess what?? It was the best decision I ever made in my life. I found new friends and I felt so free and my self esteem got much better since I got rid of him. Second, quitting your job was also a huge mistake. I’m also 22 and i cant find employment anywhere cos economy is down. Having a job is what makes you earn money so you can work your way to happines. There are no miracles and nothing just appears. First figure out what is your dream and then work your ass off to get it.
well your not going to do it because im here to talk to and understand and everything so i better hear from you
e-mail-mkafan12@yahoo.com