I wish I were dead. There I wrote it. I’m too much of a coward to actually go about killing myself so I’m stuck with just wishing I were dead. I’m 32 years old, I’ve never had a girlfriend in my life, have a shitty customer service job that barely pays the bills and I’m stuck under a mountain of debt with the very real possibility of losing my house. I would think it would be impossible for someone to be this pathetic, this much of a loser, but its like life has conspired to make sure my life is a joke. I remember in high school when I’d get picked I’d hear the usual crap like “you’ll be more successful when you grow up” and guess what those same people are married, with better jobs making a lot more money.
I’m sure some people are saying “You asshole there are starving people in Africa, or people with disabilities, etc who would love to have your life!” Well first off do you think I don’t know that? Fuck you, yeah I know there are people who are worse off, I never said I there is no one worse off than me.
Even if my life turned around tomorrow I’m still a loser who never had a girlfriend at 32 w/ a shitty job. Fuck my life, I wish I had the courage to end it or at least could die in my sleep tonight after I go to bed.
P.S. – I’m a true atheist. So don’t bother commenting if all your going to do is proselytize. There is no God, get over it.
3 comments
You took the words right out of my mouth. This my story as well…..
Psst, I will tell you a secret – I’m 24 years old and I too have shitty part-time job. Also I never had a girlfriend like you. It was troubling me since I was 16 or 17 – I was thinking like what am I a weirdo? In that time someone told me that with my appearence I will have a bunch of girls wanting me. But I never do anything with that. Never consider myself to be good looking or something. Just because i’m so scared of social life I resigned on any try to find a girlfriend. It doesn’t bother me anymore. The society is telling to us that everything is turning around a relations and sex and everyone who has no desire in it is a monster or something. But that’s not true. If you miss a relationship than it can be a problem but don’t force yourself to something just because it has to be that way.
I hear you. I’m 29 years old, been unemployed for years, and have moved back in with my parents after being homeless and living in my car for a few weeks. I’ve never had a boyfriend and sometimes I wonder why in the world I even bother to get up in the morning. I went back to school right before the economy collapsed to better myself, and now there are absolutely no jobs in my field. I’m graduating in less than eight months and I have no idea what I am going to do, having busted my ass for two years for this degree that is going to be totally worthless. I wish it was possible to will myself to not wake up again.