January 11th, 2010 by silent

I really do like this thing. It feels like some sort of weight has been lifted. No one knowing who i am, not knowing anything about me. It doesn’t give you any reason to judge me, other than what i am typing. But if you judge me for that, you’re placing yourself in the same category. It seems, when you’re like this, that everything good comes crashing down around you. The only people you’ve ever loved, get taken away from you. You end up being un-masked, seen for who you really are. Too many people are afraid to see something different, different emotions that they’ve never experienced. It makes you unusual, somewhat intriguing. And then they just look at you as gossip, a good way to start a rumour. Does anyone think of people other than themselves these days? Are there only a handful of us left that will do anything to see the people they love with a smile on their face? Am i the only one that feels complete, if i can make the people around me happy? My life goal, is to help people. In some sort of area that i can relate to, so they feel as if someone understands instead of the dipshits that think they understand because they went to university, and got a degree to say they can understand peoples problems. People frustrate me so much. The human race is honestly ridiculous. Agh. More venting. I regularly search for the most painful ways to kill yourself, pain soothes me. It makes me feel alive, which i haven’t felt for years. They all want to turn you into a zombie, a guinea pig, mold you into what they want to see, what they want to hear. Anything less in unacceptable. I don’t know what to do anymore. I try and picture a future, of helping people as i said before, but it’s all like it is now. No one has aged, no one is any different. I don’t think i have a future, it’s like i just stop at a certain age. And the scariest part is.. That doesn’t scare me at all. The thought of dying, makes me smile. It’s the only time i can be free, not have to worry about running into someone from my past, the people that have broken me down and made me the trainwreck that i am today. I look forward to death, i’ll finally be able to smile and mean it.

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