i am sick

i, i am very sick. i lay in my bed and cry myself to sleep every night, i stare at the blank walls that surround me and wonder if i’m ever gonna be somebody, i look at my wrists and ask myself what have i done??, i look in the mirror and tremble, i dont eat and whenever i do eat i puke it up afterwards, i want to end my life but dont have the balls to do it, im bruised and i am broken inside, i have a gaping hole in my heart that constantly screams and reminds me of its presence, i am insecure, ashamed, i am depressed, i am a rape victim, and have been molested as a child, my dad is an alcoholic, i have lost all ambition, all hope, i am nothing but a loser, i hate this world, lifes a *****, i tried to go out and kick ass, but it kicked mine, im sick of my hungry stomach, im sick of my burning throat, im sick of people and bitches who dont understand me, and judge me, im sick of hyprocrites, im sick and i am weak, i am hanging on by a thread and it can snap at any moment, i dont know why i am still here, i have nothing left, i have lost everything, i have lost hope for that light at the end of the tunnel, im sick of fighting, im sick of crying, im sick of hiding my addiction, im sick of being a slut, im sick of feeling worthless and powerless and stupid, im sick of having blood stained sheets and a clueless questioning mom who doesnt leave my ass of a “dad”, im sick of being so low, so shallow, i have officially hit rock bottom and there is no point any more, i am at zero and will always remain at zero, i am sick, really, really sick. and there is absolutely NOTHING i can do about it. nothing at all. nothing.