i have gone too far

  January 7th, 2010 by abbygone

i have no way to go now….

what can i say? i dont know what do! there is this whole that rips me apart every night…i thought i was doing a good job not cutting but know…..i see the knife, scissors, even mirrors and there is a voice inside telling me to do, that i  need it……

tell what i am supposed to do! i thought i would be all good now but……i feel alone and sad all the time and there is no apparent reason for it! i am just sad depressed…

i stared writting poems again and they all talk about pain, suicide, sorrow, hate, monsters, and betrayal…..and it all comes from inside…

Monster Monster

I feel him inside

A desire to just cry

A pain that wants me to die

A monster that kills me with a knife


I cant stop

I cant breath

I want to do it

I want to bleed 


 Monster Monster

It lives inside

It makes me bleed

It makes me die

Monster Monste

Please get out

Cause one of this days

I’ll be in the dark


I feel like dying

I feel the knife

Then I feel free

In a dark sea


Next night

I hope I die

To Kill thi Monster

I have to die


this is how i feel, this monster inside of me that tells me that i have to and i have no strength to say no….

i do it and do it, i’ll probably loose another battle to night

i just hope that it is the cut that sends me to the deep eternal dark

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