I just want 2 die and go 2 hell

well…this is my fourth post on here. and i am now feelin worse than i have in my entire life. i have started cuttin again, it is the begining of the 7 year of my depression, and my anti depressants were workin 4 a while….and now they arent doin shit. im just so fuckin tired of feelin this way. and most of my friends just tell me to cheer up and to snap out of it…and they just dont understand that “snappin outta it” isnt possible. if i could snap outta it i would. i dont want 2 feel like shit all the time…i want to feel better. depression isnt a trend…its a curse. and now my psycaiatrist thinks im schitzafrentic and thinks im a total fuck up. it seems like every time i talk 2 him i feel twice as bad by the end of the session. and its amost my 15th birthday…i should be havin the time of my life rite now..but im not…im in hell. i just want 2 die so bad…and if i do try 2 sucide again i need 2 make sure tat i dont survive….otherwise its back 2 the mental hospital.