I want to die so bad.

i hate life. it sucks so freakin bad. why do i need to live? i have nothing to live for. back to cutting again. it sucks. i wanna go to sleep and not wake up. never see the daylight again. my friends wouldnt care neither would my family. i hate my family my friends are pretty mean. i wanna get ran over by a train and have all my friends and family watch and see… watch how much pain they put me through. no one knows how im feeling but me. and i want to kill those fuckers who messed with me and stabbed me with pencils and chased me threatening to kill me back in elementary. they need to die. they need to go to hell. i want to take pills each and every kind in my medicine cabinet where there is over 20. i hate life so much why was i born. life is so boring. im never gonna accomplish my dreams i should just lower my expectations. but why if i dont wanna live. and for those people who say “i bet u have ur life good” i dont. ive seen so many things no one wants to see ive been traumatized. cant tell my mom shes going to think im a freak. just like my cousin who was going to kill himself. but i dont want any of this shit anymore someone else someone more grateful should’ve had my life. i feel like such a loner at school. love sucks. to get your heart broken by your best friend. hearing her talking about a guy that shes gonna date thats “Sooo hot”. its not the looks its the personality. i fucking hate her sometimes. but how can i hate her id do anything for her. god dammit if i die she wouldnt care she’d have pretty boy over here just wanting to see how far he can get with her.and what sucks is when she says i love you  but then she says just kidding. now that is some shit. im gonna kill myself. just wait.