I want to lay down my mind.

There is a lot of stuff in my life that make me feel terrible and very little to feel good about. Even this is a struggle I am severely dyslexic an can not attend collage because writing and reading. I am 18 years old and I want to be A writer and film director but I can not do this by myself, I have tried bunch of different writing programs and none of them work for me. Imagine having your hands cut off ya kinda like that. I am very intelligent and love learning. I am also very lonely, I home schooled my self so i missed that experience. I had one really good friend for some time but then she dropped me as A friend because she met someone. I meet him aswell  and tried to be his and his brothers friend but there was no room for me, to make this harder they both are going collage and they want to be film writers and directors and on top of that I could write with one of them but now there at collage and that was two years ago I have had other friends but none that compare. I have suffered from depression most of my life or at lest  since i was 5 thats when my mom got into a terrible car accident she has had medical and emotional problems since. I have been to a hospital twice and it was ok but Did not work. I have tried many different treatments including drug therapy, electric convulsive therapy or ECT and am now trying Transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) but I have no hope for this. there is probably nobody reeding this anyway.