i have a loving caring family and great friends. my job is ok i suppose – i’m in a bit of debt but nothing that i can’t deal with. i’m renting a little unit – it’s just me and my dog, who i love with all my heart. but i am so alone. so sad and alone. i come home every night and just want to sleep…sleep and never wake up…i want something to be wrong with me. some type of disease, so i can die. i wish i could swap with someone who has a terminal illness and wants to live.
i was in hospital in November and December last year getting ECT. that worked for about 1 month. i went on some more tablets and they made me worse. i don’t know what the fk to do anymore? why can’t i be happy? people don’t understand that you would never choose to feel this way. life is so much better when you can be motivated, joyful & energetic.
to all out there who find living difficult, we must live in hope that one day someone will find the cure for this horrible, debilitating hell.
p.s. the person who wrote that all you need is god can seriously shut the fk up! IF god is the creator of this hell then he is a fkn bastard.
3 comments
You know I’ve wondered too if I could just have the power to literally offer my life to someone who’d make a whole lot better use of it than I. I think it’d be a happier world.
In me somewhere deep, there is a very faint hope, that someday everything will be better. But there is a bigger, stronger hope that someday (and i hope that very soon) I will die. That’s the hope which help me to survive every single day. If there is a machine which kill you without pain and it would help somebody else to heal a cancer or any deadly disease I would offer myself immediately.
At least you have a dog. And a job. And yes there is a Creator of this hell – we are like lab rats that are born in a maze and have to find our way out. If we give up we get recyled. I’ve come to a conclusion that this is a test. Buddha may have had some influence on me