i dont know what i can do to be happy. ive been fighting this battle since i was 12. i love cutting myself, its sick i know. but being able to see the blood flowing down my arms excited me. ive been using drugs since i was 15. my drug of choice/choices was xnax and heroin. i did xnax alot more then i did heroin. i recently was hospitalized for attempting suicide for the 3rd time. the last time i tried killing my self, my best friend got there right in time before i jumped. she ended up taking me to the hospital where i sat there for about 7 hours. i think i probably traumatized her. when she seen me there was blood all over the place and i had a chain around my neck. she basically beat the shit outta me to get down. yes to this day i still have suicide thoughts. but there not as bad…. when i went to the hospital, they detoxed me, so im not taking xnax anymore. im miserable. i seem happy on the outside but in the inside im crying out for help. i have no one to talk to anymore, they all left me. my best friend is/was a heroin addict. yea great right. i havnt cut since i went to the physc ward. do i have the urge yes i do. i compared my cutting to my best friends addiction. he was addicted to puttin the needle in his arm and i was addicted to putting the blade to my wrist, arm wherever i could cut my self up at. im sick and twisted i need help. im basically a fake, meaning my emotions. i show people what they want to see. im not happy with who i am. i feel like i have failed everyone around me, and that im bringing everyone down around me. i need help. someone help me please. save me from this monster i have created within me….. please i beg anyone to help me….
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
Well you have a best friend. That’s one up on some other people (including myself). If at least one person can stand to be around you enough to call you a best friend then maybe you’re not as bad as you think.
No one can help you but yourself. Look inside of yourself and examine why you want to cause yourself such pain. Why you did things to drive your other friends away. Realize these things and let them go. Those things that you can work on fix. Other things you must forgive yourself for and let them go. Lean on your best friend for support. Try to support your best friend. Someone once said that part of the key to living a happy life is to help others.
I am trying to work out these things myself but alone. But I in fact know why I hate myself. It is just very difficult for me to forgive myself. Forgiveness is key. I wish you the best.
Yeah there is a saying called ‘Misery loves company’ . The fact that your best friend is in the same boat as you can save you from drowning. Take matters into your hands and pull both of yourselves out. There are no multiple ways around it, there is only one. First you need to quit the drugs. And yea I know what I’m saying that’s exactly how I did it, after 3 years of everyday use I just came home one day and said enough. And I stopped. If you support your best friend you can both be ok. You’ve got each other and that’s more than most people here have.
Like the poster above, I am also trying to work things out alone. It is much harder than when you have someone close to you feeling the same like you do. You can pull both of yourselves out of this mess , its never too late and there is NO such thing as impossible. If you tell me you can’t quit it’s bullshit. If you are on drugs and still miserable then what do you have to lose? Nothing.. But you have so much to gain. So start working things out. If you wanna talk anytime about anything you can write me here insanity_forever7@hotmail.com