I feel that I will never be loved by men or by friends. I cant act like a normal person and others see that and it turns them off. I feel even worse cause it does not make sense, i have everything I need in life but i cant be happy because i cant act sane. I have wanted to die since I was 6 but I feared death and could never do it.
I want to die but there is someone I loveÂ and I would not want to hurt him. I tried to do it with hydrocodone this Wednesday, but I called this guy and told him before I was gonna do it. then called him again half way through taking the pills. He talked me out of it, told me to drink water and i didnt die. I wanna do it again but I dont wanna hurt him, and i know if i put him through this again then chicken out, he’ll hate me. I think he should hate me, only a bad friend puts someone through these things. I try but i cant be a good friend just like i cant to anyone else. hes just too good of a person to cut me off like the others.Â he should though and i think it would better if I cut me off for him by killing myself.