obliterated, annihilated. just imagine.

  January 3rd, 2010 by somewhatdamaged

my family is so fucked up. i don’t feel like i belong anywhere.
i live alone… i’m so lonely.
everything is so much effort.
i hate the way i look. i hate the way people view me.
i hate feeling so undervalued and unappreciated.
i feel so marginalized and insignificant.
i think about dying almost every day now.
my friend said she would take my cat if i ever died; i asked.
i feel so unloved and unwanted.
i’m my exboyfriend’s backup plan, since he can’t find anything better.
i’m a joke to everyone.
i am so misunderstood and different.
i feel like my friends have abandoned me.. they can’t feel my pain.
i feel so alone.
i talk to one person in particular who is close to me and .. it doesn’t fix anything.
i come back to my lonely apartment, wishing i could smoke myself into an oblivion.
i know people would care if i died, but i’m not sure if i care that they care.
maybe i like feeling this bad.

six years ago i tried to kill myself twice, with 5 months between the attempts.
i got better. i thought i was better.

i do well in school, i have a nice place to live… but there’s this insurmountable void in my life.

my parents have lots of money, but they’re so cheap they won’t buy me anything for christmas. they chalk it up to the fact that they pay for my education.
i feel bad for resenting people i know that have good times with their family.

my parents have split up and gotten back together so many times and i’ve always been the glue to hold what family i have together.

everything just hurts so badly right now.
i want it to be over.

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