Saved by the bell?maybe, not sure – part4

We met for dinner tonight, first time it was just me and her in over a month. I begged, prayed, hoped and feared all week leading up tonight that something would be revealed, good or bad, positive or negative, something from which I could either hang my hopes on or give them up completely. Nothing however was what I got, no hopes that she was coming back and nothing saying she was planning on leaving completely. So again tonight I will go to bed knowing that tomorrow and the next day and the one after that …I will be all alone.  I am so tired of just being in limbo, so tired of suffering in pain everyday with neither hope nor finality. Maybe its best if I just go ahead with my plans, after all if she is really inclined to go or stay it won’t matter since I won’t be around anymore. I am so confused, I just want the pain to end and I don’t really care how it is that it ends, just that its over. I wish she would have just said it was over, at least then I would be at peace.