Home General Thoughts, etc.
Report Post

Thoughts, etc.

by Loading

I’ll start with the simple details. I’m a 16 year old blond spanish/italian blooded atheist kid born in Denver with a very sex appealing look and brother of a famous person on MTV who knows most big stars from Jack White to Jimmy Page, and even all famous latin american stars worth being named.

I’ve had a recent interest in reading other people’s suicide stories because I admire fairy tales and stories like Romeo and Juliet with dreadful endings; explains the reason I’m here and had a sudden interest in writing my own story… and unlike others I’ll be very detailed and open minded when explaining because I’ve noticed most people here are too edgy -example: “yeah… my life sucks man… imma kill myself blablablalbala im fat blalbblla” – It’s really hard to appreciate a story when the writer doesn’t redact properly.

I’m also a composer/poet with romantic influence and I’m oftenly inspired by baroque classical music such as Händel amongst others. In total I’ve written over 200 poems and nearly 100 compositions on piano and I’m very versatile as I also write rock/pop songs, several fugues and have a high vocal range and incredible creativity/imagination comparable to the likes of Freddie Mercury with a higher dosage use of falsetto/vibrato…

I happen to be very unhappy and suicidle for a reason: an unrequited love… the same thing that inspires me to create art is killing me; mostly because of pride and vanity being the most popular kid in school with the most girls following me, yet I’m very humble and don’t brag like I’m doing now (just to share my life story on this site) and reject ‘whores’ yet fell in love of one (currently a whore but I actually fell in love of an angel). In total I’ve been through 3 failed suicides by overdose… after failing the first one I pretended my original persona (myself) was dead and invented a new name to pretend I’ve never been through the pain of love at all, I did this after every failed suicide and it worked till jealously backfired me seeing her getting fucked by my friends/foes (only 14 years old not even being sexually sensitive… bad influence these days!!!!! don’t you agree?) and remembering the details. why did I fail? – I took several dozens of sleeping pills and mixed them with alcohol but the problem is that I failed to fall asleep and die painlessly… experiencing an overdose awake is extremely dramatic as your heart accelerates at an incredible rate and punches you back and forth, not to mention the other side effects such as blood, vomit, etc. Failed suicides only hurt, my incredible vocal range was damaged dramatically after having a doctor put a tube down my throat… then the painful shots…

My problem started around 3 years ago when I fell in love of the most kind and “clean” girl that the most she ever did was look at pictures of cute boys and not be… well a cruel whore like now. I’ve written all those poems/compositions and counting for her… I even invited her to meet famous people and asked for special favours; all just to be spit in the face emotionally and sliced in pieces by my own fatigue of an adorned emotion chamber. Blocked on facebook, messenger, etc… words such as – I hate you, you’re weird – stalker – repulsive – etc. etc. – (yesterday being the most recent confrontation… and last… hopefully ^.^… you know what I mean! hehehe) come raging towards me and attack a “repulsive” monk of a being like me. -“weird?” – I think – Just because I’m unique, bi, and closed to most people as I’m a great actor when it comes to pretending emotions and happiness, I’m only open in my art as I find it a way to express myself but it’s no cure at all and the message is denied by the reason itself… life itself is an act from my point of view, meaningless pictures come and go just to fade away in the mist of the word “reality”. Life itself is a cosmic blink in a practical way. To me, we’re characters and after dying only memories of us are left… so I try to create a great character every once in a while to stick with it. Unfortunatly, my role is real and I’m forever like a feather floating in the sky out of emergence like life itself… my philosophical views are “animals (including humans) exist to reproduct themselves or as aristotle once said, to be happy” that equals love from my point of view… combining out animal needs with happiness… it is to love but not invane, if you can’t get that objective then there’s no point in life unless you have a different perspective… all animals fight and die for love, it is only natural.

My main philosophy (personal) is SHE -the person I love- is EVERYTHING equal -don’t get her, no point to continue- but then my pride and vanity wants me to be selfish and go on to be famous like my sister… to beat Mozart and all composers and become a legend to atleast have my character remembered. But my philosophy doesn’t agree with it. There’s a constant debate in my mind but I’m coming to an auto conclusion because of a stake… a time limit which is about to expire which will choose death by default if I don’t decide what to do.

There’s too much to share with you kind readers. I don’t know how to continue so I’ll conclude this post written by a humble lover of thorns.


Related posts


Entity 1/30/2010 - 3:25 pm

What the… Jesus, this is the biggest shit I have ever read rofl. You mean this – seriously? No way! I don’t know if I have to puke over the keyboard or laugh. But if you intend to help people through the humour then you have succeeded.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 3:36 pm

No. I’m very serious… I don’t know if you find all the bragging funny but it was just to explain my situation which is real… I’m in love and having trouble with my own personal ideas because I believe in true love and that it’s worth dying for, yet I’m very selfish because I would like to be a legend before passing away. I find it very hard though because in order to do that I’d have to go through pain and she will not be in my school anymore… I would never see her again in my life and I NEED her. Everything would be too harsh…

This does seem fake because of all the things I posted but everything is real (I won’t reveal my identity though… I’m a “normal” person just like you… my sister is the famous one) I’m just a teen with serious shit going on in his life.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 3:41 pm

I’ll have to admit it though… you made me laugh because my life is like a novel, thank you. Haha

Life is too funny to even laugh… reality haunts me this is how I feel in a way ——> }='(

Entity 1/30/2010 - 3:49 pm

It’s just that your first post has… how to say it – very unique style. I think that what you wrote in comment is much better, shorter and makes a more sense.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 3:49 pm

Now whenever I read my post I just laugh out loud thanks to you… hahahahahaha but I swear it’s real.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 3:54 pm

Oh, you were laughing because of the way I redacted my real story. I agree that what I wrote as a comment is much easier to understand and shorter blablablabla… but that’s why I entitled my post “thoughts, etc”, they’re not suppose to make sence but they explain the situation fair enough. I do have a weird way to write things – don’t you agree? – HAHAHA ^.^

Entity 1/30/2010 - 5:07 pm

I was just surprised why do you have the need to accentuate the things like you have sex appeal, you know a famous persons or you are writing a music. What’s the point of that? Is it making you the more interesting person than the others? Not at all. It’s not even essencial for your story. For me it is good enough when someone will write a single sentence how bad he feels or that she feels like ugly, fat, good for nothing person, because from that single sentence I know exactly how hard it is for them. This is not the contest about who will write a better story. That’s how I feel it.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 9:22 pm

I was referring to how someone “perfect” is so fucked up. Most people talk about their sex appeal example: “I’m fat, etc” they talk about their basic information aswell. I don’t feel superior, I’m probably more fucked up than any of these poseurs complaining about simple things such as sex appeal when I’m pointing out that it doesn’t make me happy at all, that there are worst things in life and that looks are unrelevant.

About the “better story” I ment I was going to redact better to express myself more. Also, by mentioning that I’m a composer I allowed myself to explain my situation of feeling like wanting to be a legend but not being able to get things straight due to my personal philosophy about love being my main reason of existance… and not just any love, just one.

Loading 1/30/2010 - 9:28 pm

Also, I was able to express my fatigue and how desperate I am by mentioning everything I’ve done for my girl (which is a reason I mentioned the poems/compositions/etc) only to find out she’s been fucked by my friends and guys I don’t know.

THERE IS NO PAIN GREATER THAN LOVE. “A mighty pain to love it is,: And ’tis a pain that pain to miss;: But of all pains, the greatest pain: It is to love, but love in vain.” – Abraham Cowley – a great long gone poet.

tomtom 1/31/2010 - 9:13 am

Post a poem you have written. I’m curious to see something.

BloodDreamer 1/31/2010 - 10:50 am

Forget about Romeo and Juliet. It’s a pile of crap. There is no one true love. I’ve been in love 4 times to the point where I thought I would actually die from the pain. Then I got over it


It is the cause, it is the cause, my soul,–
Let me not name it to you, you chaste stars!–
It is the cause. Yet I’ll not shed her blood;
Nor scar that whiter skin of hers than snow,
And smooth as monumental alabaster.
Yet she must die, else she’ll betray more men.
Put out the light, and then put out the light:
If I quench thee, thou flaming minister,
I can again thy former light restore,
Should I repent me: but once put out thy light,
Thou cunning’st pattern of excelling nature,
I know not where is that Promethean heat
That can thy light relume. When I have pluck’d the rose,
I cannot give it vital growth again.
It must needs wither: I’ll smell it on the tree.

Loading 1/31/2010 - 2:48 pm

Actually, I was suppose to suicide in her birthday which is tomorrow (the greatest gift you can give: your life) but I decided to become a legend so my life wouldn’t be a total waste.

I will always love her and I’m still in great pain but I will try to become someone great and see if she regrets breaking me apart. I havn’t posted any of my poems because I’m paranoid about others stealing my art. Some are copyrighted but if I post those you might search them on google and find out who I am… {=D… sorrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyy

kia 3/2/2011 - 12:06 pm

Hi there! how are you? hope you are doing good! I’m deeply touched by your depressing story. i really hope that you have moved on! let me tell you something, she definitely doesn’t deserve a great guy like you or what your going through because of her! you seriously gotta move on, you deserve a great girl. so don’t waste your precious life cause of someone who doesn’t give a shit about you! you have to be strong have faith and move on with your life, do it for yourself and for everybody else who cares for you! don’t hurt them and don’t hurt yourself! someday she’ll regret for loosing someone like you! so don’t hurt yourself anymore alright! move on, and be happy! who knows when you’ll meet a great girl, so save your love for someone who truly deserves it! take good care of yourself! and i’m really hoping that you won’t do anything stupid like u’ve done before! 🙂

Brokeheart 4/4/2011 - 5:36 pm

Hey there Loading, you still alive..?
If so, read this, will you.
Lets change perspective shall we?

Perfect boy meets perfect girl
Perfect girl isn’t so perfect, now is she?
Perfect boy falls in love
Perfect girl faces harsh times
Perfect boy tries to win over perfect girl
Perfect girl tries to drown one kind of pain into a lesser kind
Perfect boy becomes desperate
Perfect girl has enough and turns hateful
Perfect boy is tired of trying, he gives up
Not-so-perfect girl & Not so perfect boy both pretend to maybe be happy as they are

Not so perfect people are not so perfect. Everybody has a back story, as unimportant as they may seem, it’s the little details that make us as we are. Maybe Not-so-perfect boy shouldn’t have given up, as painful and hard as it seemed, but now that he has, he should live life at it’s fullest to overcome the pain. She’s missing out in the end. Become famous and as happy as your heart will let you be, make her regret her choice that way..!

Leave a Comment