I am only 16 years old and yet everyday I have thoughts about suicide several times. I have four older brothers and a little sister. I have always been the outcast, never necessarily fitting in. I grew up Mormon, and my faith in God was strong and I truly did believe that God was good, however, I am gay. Not openly, but I am.Â
And now I wonder, why am I this way? I really didnt choose this, nor do I want it. I’ve never had my first kiss or real date, and I don’t want any of that to happen b/c I feel so terrible that I dont like girls. I have really fallen for some of my close friends and I never want to date girls because it would feel like a lie. and everyday I see the guy I like. I feel like puting a gun to my head and pulling the trigger as fast as I can, but I am always so scared of pain. I just want to obtain some sort of terminal illness or cancer so that I dont have to do the deed myself. I hate my life. I hate who I am, and b/c I am gay I always think that I am going to hell anyways so suicide cant make things much worse for me. I have prayed about it before and I go to bible study every morning and I still feel this way. I don’t know what to do with myself. I hate my life
6 comments
I know how you feel – somewhat. I’m not gay, but bi – not bicurious, actual bi. I’ve fallen for some of my friends, both guy and girl, and it’s always so confusing. It was worse for me when I was 16, which was a year ago, because there was a guy who was going through some rough things and he turned to me for help and guess what I fell for him. But it wasn’t only him it was for two others – one of who is gay and to me it just feels so wrong to like him (especially because I also have a strong faith in God). But you know what you have to do? You have to live your feelings – don’t think it’s wrong to feel like you do because if you do then your assuming that God made a mistake and God doesn’t make mistakes (except in the creation of the Mole; but he’s only the diety). Mind, if you plan on opening up you have to start with your closest friends.
My biggest advice is turn all the confusion, all the hate, all the love and all the anxiety into something powerful and creative. I’m writing a book. Its hardest to deal with at in our teenage years, but if you need to talk email me at sacramanianfounder@hotmail.com
There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t blame yourself for how you are or what are you feeling. Since you are a mormon it would be very hard to believe in that, but it’s true. I know that orthodox christians, moslem, jews and this kind of believers thinks that homosexuality is the worst thing on this earth. They have a fear of it and they urge every gay that he is a bad person. But they are all wrong. Those who is bad are they. I personally don’t believe in god but if you do, try to ask yourself: If “IT” is wrong why god create me in this way? If he thinks that homosexuality is sin then why did he create a sin? If he created a sin he is sinner. And if god is sinner – what right has he to punish me? Maybe in god’s eyes there is nothing wrong with homosexuality, only people think that.
Actualy some of strong believers are the biggest idiots on this earth. None of them appreciate different religion, culture or different way of thinking. My opinion is fuck everyone – if they don’t appreciate you, abandon them as soon as possible (if it’s possible) and find someone who will love you as you are.
Please, please don’t kill yourself. IT’S OKAY TO BE GAY. I, too, am gay — I’m a seventeen-year-old lesbian. You’re not alone. Roughly one in ten people (probably more than that, studies are now saying) are gay. That means one in ten Mormon people. No matter what your religion or loved ones say, you’re not abnormal or sick. Would G-d really make 10% of the population inherently sinful? He loves you no matter if you love men. What could possibly be wrong with love?
Think about it this way: the Bible contains great wisdom, but also indefensible brutality. It condones stoning people for adultery and selling your daughter into slavery, which we know by now are wrong. It also prohibits a lot of ridiculous things, like mixing certain fibers and eating certain foods. This is because the milieu in which it was written — in the desert four thousand years ago — was totally different from today. If you ate certain meats, you would get food poisoning and die. If you were gay, you could not have biological children, which was crucial to sustaining your small tribe of people. Today, with overpopulation such a great problem, not being able to have biological children is absolutely fine. Cultural stigma about being LGBT endures because people will find any excuse to be hateful.
Telling you to ignore any hatred you may incur from your family or friends would be trite, but you must understand that being gay is out of your control. It’s written in your DNA. It will make life harder for you, but you’re not alone, and you’re not wrong to feel this way. Please don’t hate yourself.
There are a lot of gay websites which you could search out that could help you more than I can. Please just keep in mind that many people would be hurt if you died, and that you have so much to live for. There’s nothing wrong with you.
(I forgot these links the first time around.)
Unsurprisingly, LGBTQ people have a much higher suicide rate. However, there are resources for people like us:
http://www.thetrevorproject.org/home2.aspx
http://gaylife.about.com/od/gayteens/a/gaysuicide.htm
http://suicidehotlines.com/national.html
God still loves you even if you are gay. If there is a LGBT group at your school maybe you can find people there who are like you and are struggling with this issue. There are others like you out there and I think they can give you a lot of support.
It seems to me you only want to kill yourself because your gay.
you need to find a gay community support group – try find one online you will find alot of love, support and understanding.