well, this is now about my 4th post on this website, and within that time, i meet someone through one of my stories were now really close mates, and he has helped me through thick and thin, and i would be nothing without him, but has he lives in a different country the time zones are different, and it sometimes gets hard, i cant talk to him now, so i may as well leave a comment
heres my story:
my life has been fucked ever since my mother meet my step dad, ive had alot of disapointments in my life, hes not what a dad is, hes horrible, he hits me, yells at me, threatens me and what im almost 18, ive lead to cutting, i cut messages into my arm, suicide is a thought that’s always on my mind, he doesnt want me in his life, so why should i? him and my mum have had 4 kids, all under the age of 13, so the house was pretty crazy, mum was always too busy to talk, as she had to tend to her duties. after time i went to a doctor about my cuts, and she told me to go to a mental health centre, and by this time my mum knew everything on what was happening. my mum suggest on sending me away from my step dad, away from everthing, so that i can live a normal and happy life away from him, my mum told my anuty on whats been going on, and my uncle thought it would be best if i lived with them, i thought it was a great idea. so i said my fairwells, to my family, and i flew by plane, over to stay with my aunty and uncle, its now been a month since i moved AND IM NOT FEELING ANY BETTER!!! now that im free, i have a chance to start fresh, but yet i still want to cut, i want to still kill myself. my uncle says i shouldnt hide away in my room, i should interact with the family.. but beacuse im so used hiding because of my step dad, im just used to it. i want to be by myself, i like being alone, ive always been alone, and now i have a chance to get out. i still want to be alone, 🙁 i dont get it. my uncle says i should meet new people, but i dont want to, i want to be by myself, away from everyone and everything. is that too much to ask?…. im now wishing i was back home, i dont care anymore on what happens to me, i dont care if i die, im not afraid of death. i sometimes wish it would hurry up and catch up to me. my mum knows im suicidal and she cried for days when i told her. i couldnt imagin on what it would do to my family. they want me to happy… ill finally be happy for when i die! someone please take me away, right now
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2 comments
I cant say i know what your going through. But i can relate to wanting to be alone sometimes, i have no friends and my family doesn’t seem to care or try to talk to me they just ignore me sometimes basically. I want to meet new people and hang out and have fun, but its so hard to do that nowadays. So i just stay in my room and keep myself busy, with playing the guitar and anything else to keep my mind off things. I dropped out of high school junior year cause my only friend moved away and i felt abandoned. I tried to continue on for most the year but talking to no one really took a dramatic turn on emotions. I am 18 now and planning on getting my GED and working at any job i can find. You cant think of death as the only answer though, sure i wanted to die sometimes, things get better every now and then. Things will only change if you try to change them they cant change by themselves. If you want someone to listen to you email me, rockingpat424@gmail.com its not like i have anything else to do.
It’s hard after being alone for so long to even have any motivation to get out and find people to relate to. It’s hard when you are feeling this way to start up a conversation especially with someone new. What do you say? “Hi my name is Steve and I still want to kill myself but now I don’t know why?” That’s what your thinking nearly all the time. But the fact is that it will only get worse. You don’t have to make friends but you do need to contact people face to face. You’ll eventually build on success and be happier for it. Lets face it humans like nothing better than winning