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What now?

by littlegirllost

I am nothing, I have nothing to offer myself or anyone else. I am socially inept. I can’t imagine what would make me useful to myself, my family or society. I feel like a permanent outsider. I just want to be like everyone else. I have no idea how to do that. I just don’t know what to do. I feel paralyzed by the knowledge that everything I’ve done seems like the wrong thing. How do I do I hope that I might ever do the right thing?

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Selfish 1/29/2010 - 3:01 pm

Well, it sounds like I’m in exactly the same place as you are. If that makes you feel any better. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking.

BloodDreamer 1/29/2010 - 6:44 pm

Yeah same here, everything Ive done so far has been a mistake. But I dont want to be like everyone else I resent those people. I prefer being an outsider and one day finding someone who is on the same wavelength than being a copy paste just to fit into ‘society’. Dont be like everyone else.. yeah its hard and it makes you not wanna live but its worth it. Im not sure why yet but im working on finding out. All I know is I never wanna be like everyone else even if it makes me miserable

Christina 1/29/2010 - 11:56 pm

if you need to talk to someone that understands and w/e im here!!! i better hear from you!

e-mail-mkafan12@yahoo.com

pvan42 1/30/2010 - 2:16 am

First as a reply to BloodDreamer: being like everybody else has a lot of value. I used to think much the same thing: I resented this idea of “society”. I believed that by standing outside, I was privy to some truth that all the, what I considered, “sheep” were not aware of. That I was somehow “special” and that I “didn’t need these people”. This led me to a lot of self-destructive and emotionally limiting choices. In all honesty, I was deluding myself. It is only now, somewhat late in my life, that I realize that life is about making lots of friends and trying to fit in. Trust me, I know what I am talking about–I’ve been there, and done that. It’s stupid and yeah, it will make you freaking miserable, more miserable than you can believe.

Here’s the problem with this whole vision of “resenting others”–you will find yourself isolated, alone, and without the emotional resources to cope with your problems. There is strength in numbers. When I finally “woke up” to find that I really wanted to be with others, it was almost too late.

There is nothing wrong, and everything right, with wanting to be liked by people–when you die, don’t you want to be remembered and cared about by as many people as possible? When you are in need, won’t you want help from people? Do you really want to submit yourself to misery like BloodDreamer does? This is what they call in psychology “maladaptive behavior”–it’s neurotic. Neurosis are UNHEALTHY!! Who, who in their right mind would want to be miserable? It’s ridiculous. So you can either be miserable, or try to fit in and be happy. Are you just going to spend your whole life CHOOSING to be miserable? What kind of life or choice is that? Moreover, how do you know you will ever find someone who is on your wavelength? If you really want to find someone, you’re better off throwing yourself at as many people as possible. Listen, you don’t need to be a “copy paste” as you call it, to fit in. You can maintain your individuality while still putting yourself in a position to be appreciated by others. The thing is, it takes work, and that’s what a lot of people are afraid of. The minute they see work ahead of them, they balk at the idea of it and throw up their hands in hopelessness, EVEN IF they would be better off in the end for the work they put into it. Aristotle said that life is about “the good” and man’s pursuit of happiness, so why cut yourself off from that? And I guarantee you, the whole psychology community would back me up when I say this, a person who conforms to social norms and engages themself in society is a happier and healthier person, both physically and mentally.

So, to the poster of “what now” this is what I have to say, if you want to be like “everyone else”, put yourself out there. Join clubs and organizations in your area–those that interest you, or even new things! You’ve only got one life to live, why spend it being so afraid! If you make a mistake, at least you can say you’ve tried. Like the Nike slogan goes: Just do it! How do you learn something if you don’t fail at it at least once? You don’t just sit at a piano for the first time and expect to be Mozart, so be gentle on yourself and don’t worry if it doesn’t come right away, but I PROMISE YOU the hard work will PAY OFF IN THE END. And maybe you’ll fail multiple times, but if this is something you REALLY want (trust me, you do want this–I mean it, this is like, the most important thing in life), you’ll try and try and try until finally you get it, and then it will be like riding a bike. And you can have all the gratification of knowing you did it! And I’m sure that in the end, it will feel better to you than you could ever believe. Nothing good in life comes without hard work. If you need help, pick up some good books about building confidence, developing your sense of humor and overcoming social anxiety. Also, you may have ADHD–sometimes “socially inept” people, actually have this disorder, and getting treated for it can and probably will help.

Finally if you want to feel better about yourself and your “purpose” in life, Sign yourself up for volunteer work at your local hospital or for your area senior services program. This is a great way not only to help you meet people, but also to help you feel good and useful to society and to yourself!! You can also take up learning a new skill like playing the guitar or learning to play the drums. Take my advice and do these things!! What do you have to lose? Like I said, you’ve only got one life here, and you have to make the best of it!

There’s a whole world of beautiful, wonderful people out there waiting to meet you. I can’t stress this strongly enough–get those books, join clubs and organizations, volunteer, get treated for ADHD if you have it, and pick up a new hobby! Don’t procrastinate, do it now, make a list, and complete it. Seize the day man!! Carpe freakin’ diem!!

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,
Old Time is still a-flying:
And this same flower that smiles to-day
To-morrow will be dying.

The glorious lamp of heaven, the sun,
The higher he’s a-getting,
The sooner will his race be run,
And nearer he’s to setting.

That age is best which is the first,
When youth and blood are warmer;
But being spent, the worse, and worst
Times still succeed the former.

Then be not coy, but use your time,
And while ye may, go marry:
For having lost but once your prime,
You may for ever tarry.”

BloodDreamer 1/30/2010 - 9:28 am

Reply @ Pvan42

Wow. You are really misunderstanding the concept of ”not being like everyone else”. Who said that being different means not to speak to anybody and be alone and miserable? I never said anything like that. I love people. Being different DOES NOT mean you have to be a loner.

It just means you don’t do what everyone else does just to ‘fit in’ even though it doesn’t agree with your principles. I just don’t respect people who live in fear. Fear of the law, fear of society, fear of other people, fear of life. This is the number 1 problem that everybody has. Once you stop being afraid, the world will look in a completely different light to you. You do whatever you want, and people will like you and respect you for it. I’ve been there and done that too. And yeah I agree with you about Carpe Diem – seize the day, volunteer, be constructive, get a hobby, figure out what you love and start doing it. I just never could hang out in ‘clubs and organizations” because they are way too boring and most of the people are too simple minded and the same. That leads me to distance from them. But it doesn’t mean I disagree that the world is full of beautiful people. All I said was don’t be like everyone else and don’t blend in the crowd. This is the reason why humans are different from chicken, sheep and other animals. If you are like everyone else and you just stick to the rules and live a mediocre life then you are wasting your time.

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