With apologies

January 28th, 2010by Janelamb

I am fifty years old. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with breast cancer. It hasn’t come back. My husband started an affair a year after the diagnosis, and legally separated from me three years after that. We have two children, 11 and 14. We split custody. My husband is an excellent father and financially secure, though I am not. To make money I substitute teach, and I’m looking for a job as a full time teacher.

There was a time, before the cancer and the divorce and the financial crisis, when I was a happy, lively, outgoing person. I look at the future, and see little that is promising.

I used to be a Catholic, but I no longer go to church, no longer believe in God or the afterlife or any of that. There is nothing. I’ve made up my mind to hang around for seven more years, until my youngest leaves high school, and then I am probably going to kill myself. I have seven years to find the perfect way of doing that.

Just wanted to put that down in writing, lol.

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