I’m exhausted. Tired of feeling this awful burden upon me. Every night I fall asleep with hopes to never wake up. I have no drive to see my friends, to go to school, to do things I used to love. I wish to just sleep. My family says I am selfish, and feeling sorry for myself, and I want so badly for them to see how much I hurt. My acne has made me so self-concious, I feel ugly, homely, and alone. My friends are beautiful, they have boyfriends, social lives. I feel like stereotypical girl who sits at home on prom night. I hate how innocent children die everyday but miserable people like me are forced to continue living. I am to scared to kill myself; I don’t even know how. I don’t want to hurt the people I love, but I hurt so much myself. Sometimes I wonder where I’ll be in two years, or more, and if I’ll still be alive. Will I be better? Will I be pretty? Will someone love me? The thought of still feeling this way makes me cry harder. I’m exhausted.
3 comments
Hello,
I stumbled upon this site on accident and your post was one of the first I have heard. I encourage you to please get some psychiatric help or try contacting a suicide hotline, because these things you are writing are very typical thoughts of one whose behavior is slowly ramping up to suicidal. You need to know that although you feel incredibly alone in the world, I promise you, you’re not. All of your friends love, your family loves you and everyone on this site loves you. We are all here to support you and if your family knew what you were thinking than I know they would help you. Please, get some help- you have no idea what damaging effects it will have on your family if you allow this to continue without any help. My brother committed suicide on August 9, 2009 and it has torn my family apart. Please, I am begging you- contact a hotline or join a support group online. There are plenty of free ones, if money is an issue. And know- you are not alone.
I know how you feel. I’ve lived through all that. There are still these random days where I feel like that. I guess I progressed a bit because I got help. I went to a psychiatrist and she prescribed me depression meds. I really did not want to go to a psychiatrist at all, but it actually helped me more than anything. The meds made me “exhaustion” thoughts go away. But they didn’t perfectly treat me. What did treat me is my own will to fight. I picked up a hobby. I started exercising. I made new friends. I volunteered with kids (I love kids). All these little things added up and now I feel so much better! Ofcourse there will be days I will still be down, but overall, I’m much better. I think what you should do is find something that you love and work on it. Keep a habit of exercising. Join a sport or yoga. What you need to realize is that you don’t need to be how all those girls are. You are your own unique self and you just need to find that self. Even my family doesn’t understand me, but I guess that’s understandable. No one who does not go through what we do will never be fully be able to understand us. Don’t think so much about the future. I used to kill hours through the day thinking about the future, but then I realized it’s a waste doing that! How can I just sit there and think and do nothing about it in the present? What you do today counts! Do what makes you happy. Don’t make any decisions in haste cuz you’re not just letting others down, you’ll be letting yourself down. Make new friends. Experience different cultures. Find a job. Join a club. Put yourself out there! But be strong! Be proud! Keep your chin high. Don’t let stuff let you down. You are better than that. Email me at i.survived.91@gmail.com if what i said helps or if you wanna know more about myself. I think sometimes knowing what others did that helped them can be helpful. Take care!
Thats so weird, cause your exactly like me. Im 18 yr guy who dropped out of school and i have no friends i feel the same way. I think i would be your best friend if i knew you. Hopefully that didn’t sound weird rofl if you want a friend or someone to talk to im here rockingpat424@gmail.com