i was alone

  February 11th, 2010 by Garth

It seems like everyone ive ever been close to or trusted has has betrayed me. My friends, my family, mom ,dad..everyone. I used to think my family was a happy family with nothing to hide, man i was wrong. It turns out just about everything i knew growing up was a lie. The person i believed to be my best friend betrayed me and Lied to me more times than i can count. I used to have love for these people i trusted and was close too. But now im just empty inside.

So after everyone i love or trusted betrayed me i Closed myself in and quit talking to people. i dont go out and try to make new friends, i dont go out and try to meet new people, becaus i feel that i cant trust anyone.

It used to hurt so bad that at nights id just lie in bed and cry…i could feel the pain coming from my heart, and ill wanted to do is drive a knife through my chest to make it quit beating.

I delat with this pain for a long time until i met this girl, she was different from most other girls, im not sure why but she told me about something that had happened to her that she hadn’t told anyone else. when she told me that i didn’t really know what to say, later that night we talked more about what had happened to her and end talked about some of the shit we’ve been through in our lives. When me her were talking it was the closest i had ever felt to someone felt like i could tell her anything i…trusted her. She was the person i had actually trusted in 8 years. I dont know why she decided to trust me and tell me what she did..but when she put trust in me..that meant more to me than anything anyone had ever done.

Since i now trust at least one person in my life, it’s like the world is a new place and living from day to day is rewarding and i believe Life is worth living. I haven’t been happy in a long time, but i think now i can actually enjoy life instead of waiting for it to end.

The only thing that scares me is if fuck up what ive got with this girl, which i probably will because i always manage to fuck up good things in my life. But i wander if i will become the miserable being that i was before once she’s moved on, or if she will leave a lasting impression on me and cure my wounded heart permanently. Id give almost anything to hold her in my arms from now to oblivion, but thats being unrealistic i know we’ll probably go our sperate ways at some point…but i believe she will always hold a special place in my heart

damn i typed alot

thx for reading if you actually read all of it

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