I have three choices.
1. I tell my therapist how depressed I am and she sends me to a psyche ward. I have a severe phobia of hospitals so there is NO CHANCE that I will do this willingly and on my own. After that I’ll drop out of college, working a dead end job for the rest of my life. My love of art died along with my will to live. Other than art, I have no purpose and no worth.
2. I take all of my prescriptions right now. All of them together would be more than enough to kill a small group of people. I would do this after driving to a secluded spot tonight. Take one last good look at the stars. Where there are no people. Maybe get a slurpee on the way at some gas station. Mmm, meds and cherry freeze.
3. I would go buy a long rope and find the most secluded bridge or cliff in this state. Drive there and hang myself tonight. I would only bring enough cash for the rope, some gas, and an ice cream cone.
Or a combination of the last two. I like the ODing and the ice cream. Might make it take longer but I’m willing to wait for death.
Hell, I’ve waited for twenty years.
For those of you who post about religion, keep it to yourself. I have no interest in reading your sob stories or your delusions. I’m a nihilist not an idiot.
By the way, I will inevitably be back to being suicidal within a month anyway if I do get treatment. It’s in my blood and my brain. I might as well chose suicide now and save myself years of self-loathing.
5 comments
Why is it that you hate yourself?
You don’t have to give up; you can still fight what causes your depression and you will get your life back
It’s genetic from both my parents. I have BPD. I’m queer, transgender, and still in the closet. Scared shitless to come out. I manipulate people and am sickened by the fact that it’s fun. My life has no direction or purpose. College has destroyed my motivation to create art. I’m wasting my money and digging myself into debt. I really want to kill my father. My family is meaningless and ignorant. I haven’t been in a relationship in a very long time because I can’t become close to anyone without becoming paranoid.
I have no dreams or things to look forward to except for sleep. I can’t eat anymore because food disgusts me. I can’t keep up with my classes and my grades are slipping. My future is pathetic at best and I can’t do anything correctly.
I may as well be dead instead of continue taking up space. The only thing I desire to do is die.
Hey guy, before you die, lets have a conversation.
Im planning something similar to your plans.
I’d like to know some things. I have some doubts, questions.
For example, what substances do you think in taking to OD?
If you talk to me, i can tell you my plans.
I’m afraid if i fail with one of my plans.
Maybe you could help me.
(or other person, that reads this comment, and is not against to what we are trying to do, can help me. I think no one here is a specialist. But i think we all study a little about dying, and we can advise each other in few things).
This is my e-mail and instant messenger:
jason.kidd@hotmail.com
See ya.
youre gonna try telling us that this isnt a cry for help. but anyone who is so desperate that they post a suicide note online actually does want help. i cant give you much help though, i dont think youre even gonna read this but im saying it anyways.
my friend eric, i never called him “friend”. i didnt love him till he commited suicide. but i was only 14, and just a month before he did it, he made me promise him to never hurt myself. what a friggin hypicrit. i was already depressed and suicidal before he died, and his death made it worse. if it wasnt for a few friends stopping me, i wouldnt be here.
you might think that you make your own choices and thats your right… but what you do affects others too, just like erics suicide affected me. other people follow your example. thank god i had people who stopped me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aNlZz3RQxos
listen and pay attention to the lyrics.
@Jasonkidd, Ultimately if you DO fail, you’ll end up in a psyche ward and it’ll go on your mental health record for the rest of your life. I know because I failed once before. I suggest don’t do cheap over-the-counter shit. Most that’ll do is fuck with your insides and make you sick for a few days. If you do actually end up dying from it, it’ll be a LONG painful experience. Pretty much any kind of ODing is. I’ve been studying dying since I learned to read. I won’t talk to you over email because if you do end up dying, I could be charged with assisting suicide, assuming that I’m still alive. So no, I won’t email you. Also I should point out that unless you know what you’re doing, of all OD attempts, only 1.8% are successful in the US. I blame that mostly on people being stupid.
@Livingwell116, In all honesty, yes, it is a cry for help. I would much rather not die but I won’t willingly admit myself to a psyche ward. If you’ve never been to one, consider yourself blessed. I honestly don’t care how it affects other people in my life because I don’t have the capacity to care about them. Any attachment is superficial at best. I’ve tried becoming close to people and it just doesn’t happen.
Also, nice video. I got annoyed with it halfway through but interesting tribute to Dylan and Eric.