Right, I haven’t been on here for a while. My life has not improved despite everyone saying it would. I hate it, I hate it all. My head is a war zone, I hate who I am because Im not me anymore, Im a freak, Im going through hell because of thingsout of my control, things inside my head that I can’t cope with. I don’t care about anything anymore, so many things, have happened that I never want to remember, I thought it was just a phase I was going through but as time goes on Im realing that without noticing Im planning my own death in my head, and the thought of dying, of leaving this world, it doesn’t bother me, im not scared. Im not scared to die. And thats all that was stopping me, the fear I may regret it, andsome of you may say that I will regret it, but you will soon change your mind if you had to be me, for one day, thats all it would take. I mean I tried I really did, Ive felt this way for a VERY long time, and im just so sick of it all, everything i touch is ruined or destroyed, everyone I know is miserable because of me. I never wanted to hurt any of them but I did, in one way or another ive hurt everyone I know and care for, im just a screw up, i deserve to die.
My name is Hana, Im 15, and Ive offically fucked up my life, I don’t care anymore and I should just go die!
4 comments
well im here and i care and if anyone understands how you feel its me u probably wrote most of what i would write…so write to me im here!
e-mail-mkafan12@yahoo.com
i know what you mean. i really want to talk to you badly, but im reatricted by my parents who know nothing about my cutting or being suicidal. Im only 13. I cant handle much more. ive already had 3 attemps. So thers no chance of you screwin me up any more than everyone else has. Im tired of all the lectures on survival. Are you?
Hana & Others,
There are so many things that I wish I could say to you right now, face to face especially. The bottom line is that I know how you feel! When I was your age (13-15) I dealt a lot with hopelessness, depression, and thougths of suicide…it seems like nothing will help you. You question life, your existence and even if anyone would notice if you were gone…but if you hear nothing else, please know that the loss of your life WILL make a difference! Every individual is noticed by and makes a difference to others. I don’t fully know how or why, but we are designed to live in community. Even if we don’t feel that we belong, we do.
Life will get easier…don’t give up at this difficult time. Hang in there! Take it one day at a time. Will thoughts and desires to end your life every completely disappear? maybe. I know for me I still think about it occasionally, but it isn’t something that always controls my thoughts. Take the challenge to move beyond where you are today. It won’t necessarily be easy, but look for ways to engage in life outside of your thoughts. Don’t surround yourself by things that cause you to think about ending your life. Whether it is getting involved in a club at school, a local youth group, or an organization that helps others in the community, you have to find something to replace the negative thoughts.
By the way, I am now 30 and have learned to live a happy, content life. My heart breaks when I hear stories such as yours because I know that life that is worth living is possible. If there is anything I can do to help, please email me at mylifecounts@gmail.com!
Here for you!
I am here, Hana and others, to talk. You may feel like you are alone, but you are not. I know that feeling of emptiness and depression- I am a sixteen year old junior, who has been through it all. I have attempted suicide twice (overdose and than cutting until I broke two viens). I want to help you- your life is worth more than you can even imagine. Please don’t give up all hope yet. I beg of you- asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger- God bless you.