Hello all. First of all, don’t start judging me from the title. I’m not some suicide-hater or sth. I accidently stumbled on this site because I too am ‘one of you’ and keep thinking of ending my life.
The reason I am writing now is because after skimming through some of the posts (because I HATE reading), I’ve noticed a few things. The one thing I noticed that disgusted me was this 34-year old man WHO HAS A 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER and is planning to die,Â make it look like an accident and his family would collect the life inssurance. He ends his post with “Weâ€™ll all be better off after this is done.” (See here)
OK. So the post was short, I read it, I got mad, I decided to leave a hate comment, but then what I noticed was that there were a couple more parents like him having commented about having these same thoughts. So what I’m about to say is a really obvious thing which I’m sure all of you have heard before and understand, but I just have to say this. YOU DO NOT KILL YOURSELF IF YOU HAVE A 3-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER! OMFG how STUPIDÂ can you be to think that a life inssurance would make it all so much better to a little girl who will never have a father.
Just fuckin try & picture this – Kids playing, talking (whatever the age), and obviously someone mentions something about their parents, maybe sth like “Oh damn, my stupid parents have grounded me blah blah blah” and then everyone starts talking about parents and then this girl gets asked
-Hey, why are you so quiet? Your parents are so perfect that you’ve got nothing to say against them?
-My father killed himself when I was 3.
-I’m.. So sorry, I didn’t know..
-It’s ok, don’t worry about it.”
Ok, so that’s the one situation, right? Now try & understand that THIS will happen a million times! Maybe thousands, but as long as she lives, or at least for maybe 60-70 years, until she’s a grandma and people won’t ever think about her parents, she will keep answering the same thing – “My father killed himself when I was 3”. And the akward silence again and again, and forever & ever.Â Unless, of course, she follows the example she’s been set by her father and just fuckin ends it while going through the confusing teenage stage.
Now listen, all of you parents out there, I am no psychologist. I don’t know what’s gonna happen to your children when you die. But even I understand that it just CAN’T BE GOOD. Now I don’t know how much you’re struggling financially, but as long as you can access the Internet to moan about your boring life, I’m sure you’re doing JUST FINE. So just blah blah blah I am bored already, let’s get this over with – you should’ve thought about ending your life BEFORE starting another human being’s one. Life sucks and you’ve done the most horrible thing ever – started another life. Now suck it up and do your best to make your kids happy. Or, you know, end your life and just fuck it and let some little girl fix her own bicycle and fight off bullies.
And so. The next thing that I’ve noticed and didn’t make sense was the people who talk about their bullshit life and then mention something about their boyfriends/girlfriends. What the fuck. Now I really don’t understand how can someone who was able to get themselves a “loving partner” (put it in commas coz it sounds lame, lol) think of suicide. I mean.. I don’t know.Â I’ve always lived somehow differently than my friends and, like, to me – being in a relationship is like “OMG a dream come true!” and if that is to ever actually happen, I am 98% sure it would end my stupid suicidal thoughts. But, you know, maybe it’s just me. Maybe people just tend to love you and you’re just so used to it, you don’t even put it in your “cons of living” list. Whatever.
So now the actual part where I moan about myself.
Life sucks. It doesn’t have a reason. There is no afterlife. I am just a one replaceable cell among billions of others. A few people would be sad if I died, BUT AT LEAST IT’S NOT MY FAULT THOSE PEOPLE ACTUALLY EXIST. I want to die. I want to not be.
I know these things and I understand them. I think about them every single day.Â Yet something stops me from actually doing anything. The bloody animal instinct that we’ve all got. “Stay alive at all costs” it makes me do. I still look both ways before crossing the street, I still duck when something’s thrown my way. My animal part is stronger than the smart one. And it just makes me more angry and depressed.
Go fuck yourselves all of you. I am saying this because it makes me feel good, somehow. Also, because fucking myself is the only interesting activity that I know of.
Buh-bye, you freaks.