One of the things about this site, is some get the attention they need, and others don’t. Some suicidal people on here might just need a few kind words of a understanding nature. but not everyone gets the kinds words they crave. How do people choose which ones to read, or even to respond to? Luck of the draw? Ones that sound the most urgant? Its kind of discouraging when some don’t get a reply. Maybe the people from home won’t understand or help, and even the millons of strangers on here won’t give a second glace at a reply.
All I want is a chance. Another chance at life. But i’m falling again. After so many years of depression. The drugs do not work anymore. And the more you dig your own grave the harder it is to come out. How is anyone to say who lives or dies. Who is anyone to say your life could be worse. The consoling can only go so far until its runs dry. And the paranoia and the dark become a poison. I just want someone to reply and listen. Even if I still do what i’m trying not to do. Just someone who listens and can understand. Im tired of the scars and the excuses.
And even when the people do console on here, sometimes its not enough. No, things won’t get better, you have no idea if it will. Sometimes even when you hit rock bottom you can continue to fall.
Sometimes I wonder.
how long until the urge surpasses the bodies will to live?
2 comments
How old are you? I felt the same way when I was younger. It’s hard then to figure out how to make some of those changes. I had to reach out to others and that really sucked since I was always so self reliant, I didn’t need anybody or want anybody helping me because I didn’t think that I needed it, deserved it or wanted it. I was wrong. I took what I could and have since given back more than I took. A day at a time is how I lived my life for a while and then I would start making plans that were a week and a month out. And later I started thinking what I wanted to do a year or two down the road. But let’s face it, life can really suck when we’re stuck in that deep pit of depression. Good luck, there are many of us who have been there and are hoping you too can find your way.
Moses
Interesting questions at the beginning..How do people choose whom to listen, or whom to help..That’s close to “Who is chosen in this world to be happy” and “Who receives help”, and thus we find a more difficult question “Who deserves help or to be heard”…’Cause that’s how it feels, doesn’t it? Like some people are left out, mistreated and so many situations seem so unfair and meaningless that it’s impossible for us to figure out if there’s any pattern or it’s simply but tragically just a big chaos, where nothing makes any sense..When we find more and more arguments to sustain the last theory, that’s when we give up.. I wish I knew the truth and thus answer your questions correctly, but unfortunately me and Moses there can only make you feel relieved for a few moments that someone has replied to you..As for the difficult worries in life, can’t really help you there, just give opinions.. A debate, a conversation, a philosophical discussion on life’s mysteries…anything you want and what us- the other concerned ones- can talk about.. ‘Cause that’s what we’re here for..I don’t think you should take it personal if people don’t answer back..I think that mostly we reply to those with similar problems as ours..In my case, it was the general observation that you made at the beginning that grabbed my attention and basically how you wrote..Questions and some pessimism but in a ..poetic way. Oh, here’s an idea: even if our comments won’t help you and they won’t be what you were hoping to hear, at least be aware that the simple fact that you wrote down your thoughts, is a very good idea..Writing it all down is another way of letting it all out, even if it doesn’t compare to the actual thing of getting help, by talking to someone…But it at least makes some order in your thoughts..Oh and btw, things can go worse (never assume the worse until it actually happens) but things can also improve,,,the idea is that we can’t tell what the tomorrow brings, “Yesterday is gone, today is a gift, tomorrow is a mystery” So what I can say to you is to be aware that everyone deserves chances to be happy..The only way we can get out of our misery is to first of all, realize exactly what it is that we want, and then really wish for it, patiently. And if you would like to believe in the theory that not everything is a complete chaos and things to happen for a reason, than think of all the crap you go through (pardon my language which is not poetic at all) as being just challenges or experiences from which we do have to learn something..Even if it’s hard to think of it like that, this theory is the best thing we have to keep us away from losing our minds..We have to try to make some sense out of it..And maybe this site is just the beginning of the chances that will help us get out of the bottomless hole of suffering..