Its been about a year since I stumbled upon this site. And like all of you reading this here right now, I had a reason. Basically why im posting this up, is cause I wanna know..
Whats your reason for coming to this.. depressing, emotion-filled website. For comparison reasons to myself.. and maybe to find some comfort.
I came to this site looking for a way out, yet here I am. Why did you?
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my reason for first coming here was my girlfriend – i just couldn’t quite handle having her the way she was, so i had these kinds of thoughts, but i have lost her a while ago, so now i am here just to try to help people.
i found a way out of suicidal thoughts and worldly suffering, so i don’t really have to deal with that anymore – i am happy. if you’ve been here for a year, i’m sure you know how to contact me. i wish you would.
I don’t feel like everyone else, I wanted to find a site that would help me understand why I think such horrible thoughts. Maybe to just release some inner feelings that I was too worried to talk to parents about.
cuz I’m depressed and lonely
I found this site, when I was searching for a good, painless method to kill myself. I haven’t found it here, but I have found a lot of people who feel the same as me. Also I found here a very good friend who is so similar to me that I have a fear if isn’t only a dream. Actually my suicidal thoughts are stronger than ever before and I’m decided to end it already, maybe tomorrow, maybe sometime next week. Stories posted here are making me sure there are people much more psychicaly destroyed than me and if they didn’t finish it yet, I haven’t right to do it too. At the other side, many of the posts here just convince me how much shitty this life is. In fact I don’t know why I’m still visiting this website. Maybe I’m searching for answers that no one can give me. Maybe it’s just a coping mechanism, like cutting.
I guess because I want to die and I have very little idea as to what the reason is. I absent mindedly end up looking on this site trying to find it.
I
I wrote ‘faking life’…. i came here to vent, without the venting I would be dead already…. with the venting, well its like a caner treatment…. I still have the ‘cancer’ but the treatment sustains the inevitable for now and cannot change the facts… i intensly want to die at times…..
i cant even spell tonight, i’m worthless
I don’t want to die quite yet but if it’s possible to die of boredom, I will find out soon enough. I don’t know what happened to my wants, my desires, my aspirations, my soul. It’s as if my life is on endless replay. Every new day is the same as the previous. I’m sure that in itself is the problem, but still, “what to do instead” isn’t something I’m able to answer.
And why is it that people I can’t stand never leave me alone, and the people I admire and desire never give me the time of day? Is this an example of the expression “we want what we can’t have” ? Although this past weekend (and weekends are always the most painful and lonely) even my one/only best friend didn’t return my calls/texts/emails.
I need to find out who I am and my place in the world. I just don’t know how. I keep hoping I will meet someone and leech onto their life but seeing as I’m entirely alone and without prospects, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. So going back to the “God” references, maybe He wants me to discover myself instead of taking the easy way out. Hmm.
The past few days I have been feeling “ok”.. not “good” but not terrible either. I’ve begun wondering why I even post here and if I should leave. Well the answer is no as I have been bawling my eyes out for the past 20mins or so. I may need to seek help but I don’t want to. Why does God hate me so much. I haven’t done anything to deseve this. It’s rock bottom moments like this that make me feel so worthless. It’s times like this where it would be all too easy to end it all without hesitation.
I find solace here.
We live in a world where it seems like the majority of people are either happy or at least content. Knowing that there are other people who feel the way I do brings solace.
Nicely put, chiaroscuro. (re: I find solace here)
I do too, and I surprisingly find many of the people pretty intelligent.
Maybe we’re all just not optimistic, but realistic.
Interesting fact:
Dr. Robert E. Litman founded the 1st suicide prevention center and 24-hour hotline in 1958. He died over the weekend. He was 88.
i came here, because im different. i felt stupid for these thoughts. but when i found this website i realized im not alone. i come here for help. i come here to help.
Im a bit flattered that so many people replied..
But yeah, like you said chiaroscuro. For the first time, stumbling upon this site.. Sad to say, I was ‘relieved’ to find other people who felt just like me. Sad, alone.. confused? It made me feel that maybe.. i’m not so alone after all.
K3T, i was one of the few who criticised your ways on this site. Mostly because im one of those guys who turned away from Him. Like, one day you woke up.. and from all the shit that you’ve been going through, it just didnt seem like He was ever there.
I want to believe, trust me.
I know its my fault for never reaching out for help.. for never accepting help. Pride has killed me a thousand times, in my mind and body. Dont let it fuck you up the way it did me.
@ Embargo – “I don’t want to die quite yet but if it’s possible to die of boredom, I will find out soon enough.” — ME TOO. I wanna die because life is too boring to live, I’m on here because it is the only place where I don’t feel like a stranger in the world.
I actually don’t think life is too boring, but MY life certainly is, and I guess I’m the only one who can change that. I just wish I know how or what to do with myself. I feel like I’m in the intersection of 1000 options yet all I do is sit here and feel bad and indecisive. People try to help by giving me ideas or advice but it’s often from people who aren’t relating to me or my needs. Therefore I definitely need to make my mind up on my own. Unfortunately per my lease I’m stuck here until the summer.
im looking for a way to end my life
nickahol, will you please talk to me????
hopetodie, look, im sorry idk whats going on. but i might be able to help. i wont push God on you or anything. but…im kinda smart..i’ve lived through so much pain in my short life to know, nothing is worth taking your own life. NOTHING. dance.cassie.dance@hotmail.com