Death Needs Me Now

Hi. I saw that no one posted a reply to you yet, and I want to let you know that I’m here and I want to acknowledge your pain. For me, feeling like no one can understand or feel what I’m feeling is agonizing. I’m not in that place right now, but I know that it’s an overwhelming feeling.

I spend a lot of time daydreaming of a better life. I “joke” all the time about living a different life, having a much higher stature in my job (or a much better job altogether)–but it’s no joke. When I’m down, I retreat into fantasy–it’s almost always movies (& alcohol). Sometimes getting through the day, or the night, is truly a matter of survival, and whatever gets you through this moment–dreaming of a completely different life, whatever it is–is OK.

The stuff about loving yourself is REALLY hard when you feel like you’re losing all hope; hearing things about about hope, loving yourself, and all of that can just feel like salt in the wounds–because it’s so contrary to how you perceive your life. The standards for “beauty” that our consumerist and shallow culture assaults us with every day are a COMPLETE LIE. But I believe that we can transcend what the culture throws at us, & see ourselves as the good, caring people that we really are.