Hello, recently, I’ve turned 14… I’m in highschool.
Anyways, since the beginning of grade 7, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. Parent’s didn’t notice, twin sister didn’t notice, my friends didn’t notice, and my teachers didnt either. Everyone just thought I was quiet, until grade 8.
Dad was always pissed off about his inability to find a job, and when my sister told him to shut up one day when he was ranting at me about the pieces of shit that are employers, he started threatening us, destroying my video games and making me and my sister cry.
My dad had left us about a week later, saying something about taking a break.
All my elementary school friends ditched me, after I’d told them practically everything. Once I mentioned I often wished the video game characters that died were me instead, they just thought I was crazy.
I thought they could try and help, they didn’t.
I started doing research on suicide locations.
After awhile of being a loner, I joined in on the school play, I think that’s when I really fucked my life over.
I met a girl in my grade, who was also in my science class, and it turned out her life was pretty crappy too. I finally had a friend I was similar to. We both had crappy parents, and we didn’t really hang out with a big group of friends.
I’d told her one time that when I turned 15, I would get allÂ my money, buy a plane ticket to Japan, and suicide in the worlds 3rd most popular suicide area, Aokigahara.
When I got home, the police called, and I found out my dad was in the loony bin.
A few days later, I had a mental breakdown. I burst out crying during a dress rehersal, after I’d gotten off the stage, and ran to the washroom. My old elementary school friends were knocking on the door, begging me to come out,Â andÂ after awhile, I did,Â feeling bad.Â A 12th grader took me away from everyone, and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything, from my dad leaving, and how he was coming home soon and that I was AFRAID he was going to hurt me, because before he left he was ticked at me for being such a bad child.
She was really kind about it too, and for awhile my suicide thoughts subsided.
I met these nice guys, they were older than me, but I liked chattering to them about random things that came to my mind. I talked to one of them pretty often on facebook, and I thought he could be trusted.
Thank god I never told him about my family, or my suicidal thoughts.
About a month after the play ended, he started ignoring me, and if I waved to him in the hallways he would just ignore me. I dubbed him a total and complete jerk.
A few weeks later,Â my friend from science had made a suicide attempt.
I havn’t seen her at school since.
After that, I began having nightmares. Dad was home, and even though he was BETTER and being less of a jackass, I heard him and mom fighting pretty often.
I began to hang out with a group of kids at my school, and started being extremely loud and goofy, thinking it would keep me busy, and stop the nightmares.
I started doing more research on Aokigahara.
My sister started flunking most of her classes, so Mom and Dad gave her a warning to try better. Mom and Dad got pissed at me after seeing I got a C+ in some of my classes.
Now, Ican’t stand it here. My friends never notice me when I’m not being loud. A kid in my art class is always ranting at me through facebook. I’m scolded often about my grades. That 12th grader that had been so so so kind to me wont even talk to me anymore.
Can someone please tell me a good suicide plan, since the one I originally thought out will be too hard to complete?