Hello, recently, I’ve turned 14… I’m in highschool.
Anyways, since the beginning of grade 7, I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. Parent’s didn’t notice, twin sister didn’t notice, my friends didn’t notice, and my teachers didnt either. Everyone just thought I was quiet, until grade 8.
Dad was always pissed off about his inability to find a job, and when my sister told him to shut up one day when he was ranting at me about the pieces of shit that are employers, he started threatening us, destroying my video games and making me and my sister cry.
My dad had left us about a week later, saying something about taking a break.
All my elementary school friends ditched me, after I’d told them practically everything. Once I mentioned I often wished the video game characters that died were me instead, they just thought I was crazy.
I thought they could try and help, they didn’t.
I started doing research on suicide locations.
After awhile of being a loner, I joined in on the school play, I think that’s when I really fucked my life over.
I met a girl in my grade, who was also in my science class, and it turned out her life was pretty crappy too. I finally had a friend I was similar to. We both had crappy parents, and we didn’t really hang out with a big group of friends.
I’d told her one time that when I turned 15, I would get all my money, buy a plane ticket to Japan, and suicide in the worlds 3rd most popular suicide area, Aokigahara.
When I got home, the police called, and I found out my dad was in the loony bin.
A few days later, I had a mental breakdown. I burst out crying during a dress rehersal, after I’d gotten off the stage, and ran to the washroom. My old elementary school friends were knocking on the door, begging me to come out, and after awhile, I did, feeling bad. A 12th grader took me away from everyone, and asked me what was wrong. I told her everything, from my dad leaving, and how he was coming home soon and that I was AFRAID he was going to hurt me, because before he left he was ticked at me for being such a bad child.
She was really kind about it too, and for awhile my suicide thoughts subsided.
I met these nice guys, they were older than me, but I liked chattering to them about random things that came to my mind. I talked to one of them pretty often on facebook, and I thought he could be trusted.
Thank god I never told him about my family, or my suicidal thoughts.
About a month after the play ended, he started ignoring me, and if I waved to him in the hallways he would just ignore me. I dubbed him a total and complete jerk.
A few weeks later, my friend from science had made a suicide attempt.
I havn’t seen her at school since.
After that, I began having nightmares. Dad was home, and even though he was BETTER and being less of a jackass, I heard him and mom fighting pretty often.
I began to hang out with a group of kids at my school, and started being extremely loud and goofy, thinking it would keep me busy, and stop the nightmares.
I started doing more research on Aokigahara.
My sister started flunking most of her classes, so Mom and Dad gave her a warning to try better. Mom and Dad got pissed at me after seeing I got a C+ in some of my classes.
Now, Ican’t stand it here. My friends never notice me when I’m not being loud. A kid in my art class is always ranting at me through facebook. I’m scolded often about my grades. That 12th grader that had been so so so kind to me wont even talk to me anymore.
Can someone please tell me a good suicide plan, since the one I originally thought out will be too hard to complete?
8 comments
That is quite a lot to deal for someone your age and it also seems your parents are not very in tune with your feeling. Have u tried talking to someone professional, like a counsellor or maybe ur twin. I’m not sure how close u 2 r but sometimes it helps to talk with someone ur close too. Pls dnt give up on life or urself yet. U still have a lot of life to live. Try to think positive thinks will get better. It seems a lot has to do with ur dad, its hard when ur own parents dnt see that they r the cause of their kids depression. But my advice to u is dnt give up yet. Show them what u are capable of and doing. Be strong, dnt let them ruin u. Take care of urself and ur sister. Maybe if u have a family member that u can talk to and maybe stay with. Sometimes its the enviroment that just needs to change, once ur with more positive people and caring u will see things in a more positive light and you will be a better person
my advice. walk across a highway.
I’m still working on a good suicide plan myself, so I’m in no position to give advice on that one. Deciding to end your life is a difficult decision to make…even when you want it and the means is right there in your hand, it still is a difficult decision to make!
I’m sorry things suck so bad for you right now. I really am!
Part of what you said gave me real hope for you…you said that when that 12th grader listened to you and tried to be helpful, it made you stop thinking about suicide for awhile. It also helped when the other 12th grader listened. That suggests that a fundamental human need isn’t being met — social support. Every single human needs that…and you should be getting it from your parents, but obviously, you’re not. And people your age can me exceedingly mean and untrustworthy, not to mention fickle and unreliable. So how about seeing a therapist? A good one…one you really click with and come to trust and can talk to about all the crap that’s going on in your life?
I wish I could give you a big hug and sit down and listen to you for hours. I think something that simple would be of profound help to you. It isn’t like you need a lot…you need very little…much less than most people…it’s just that you aren’t getting it.
Please…please find a therapist you can trust!!
Can I see your I.D. please? Cause I suspect that you are too young to die. Besides you’re a good writer. Good luck man.
I’m in no position to lecture you about suicide considering I just got out of a particularly difficult explanation of why I had a big handful of my friends prozac pills in my room and why I had passed out yesterday(blood loss). But do wht I didn’t and go out of your way to find somone you can talk to. I’m here is you just wanna discuss whtever comes to your mind.
I’m in no position to lecture you about suicide considering I just got out of a particularly difficult explanation of why I had a big handful of my friends prozac pills in my room and why I had passed out yesterday(blood loss). But do wht I didn’t and go out of your way to find somone you can talk to. I’m here is you just wanna discuss whtever comes to your mind. Good luck
@whiteylover you are a sick bastard telling that to a 15 year old boy. ! shut the fuck up and wank away!
Hello my friend,
give us an update as to how you feel today and whether you have been seing anybody of help lately