I have never been able to work out why I cannot find happiness.Â I come from a very wealthy family in NY, and yes I could easily be reffered to as spoilt but no matter what I get given and no matter where I go I am always severly depressed. There is no doubt that I am unlucky…my father had an affair which led to the end of my parents marriage and I havent seen him for two years now. I have never really been deeply affected by the exit my father made as I was always a ‘mummys girl’ its just when I come into contact with families that appear so normal and happy the feelings start to kick in. I have been slitting my wrists for the past year and I cannot figure out why we all do it, we just have to sometimes.
Everyday there is a dispute between my mother and I feel that I am the cause for her unhappiness.Â I go to the best schools, have the best cars and live in the nicest houses etc…but money has never brought me happiness. Two weeks ago my boyfriend to whom I lost my virginity with and was deeply in love with broke up with me…he knew of my sucidal thoughts and yet he did not end the relationship lightly. I havent been able to leave the house and everyday I find myself just wanting to escape the world.
To many I know, it may seem that I am over-reacting and making a big deal out of nothing, but you never know how ones life really is until you have to live it.
I have been seeing a counsellor for the past two years and I still cannot confess all the things that have happened to me in my lifetime to her..I am scared that she will put me into a mental hosipital. I was relieved to read everyones stories on here and know that there are others.
I have been surronded my false people my whole life, being treated differently because of my familys wealth. Within all the fake smiles and airbrushed lifestyles I found one person I could trust with my view on the world around me, one person who understood me, cared for me and taught me how to fall in love. Now that person has betrayed me like anyone else I ever knew.Â All I want is him back, maybe for him to tell me he loves me one last time. The pain I feel right now in unbearable…without him I am nothing.