I don’t know if I should sit here and cry or if I should scream in anger? I’m depressed and have anger issues. My mom says it’s a sin to kill youself and my dad can’t even look at me without staring down at my wrists. I’ve lost many yet so few. I guess because they meant something to me. I carved a heart in my arm one night when I was at my cousin’s. No one noticed, no one cared. Everytime it makes me think back to when I was little. I was just a little daddy’s girl. I didn’t mess up or have friends die. It was like my perfect little place in my dreams. But now my dreams are telling me I will die, I don’t know when, where, or why. But I will die and these thoughts in my head hurt so much. They eat all my energy as I become very weak. I guess mom was right, suicide is only for the weak minded. I guess I’m weak after all.
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First of all, there are so many taboos on suicide because it is not something that is acceptable in most countries, which is why most people use religion to say it is a ‘sin to commit suicide’.
Based on what you have written, I would surmise you have not done anything but dwell on the past and let it control your Present. So secondly, for all that you seem to think is wrong, the majority of it is all in your head and doesn’t have any bearing outside, in the Real World (that is actually being around you). What problems there are, are the result of your negative way of thinking and not doing anything to change your behaviour about your life. The more time you spend thinking and dwelling on a problem, the worse it will get. Nothing ever gets solved by sitting alone and only thinking on a problem – only actions work to solve problems.
Third, when people say ‘suicide is for the weak minded’ it is only a delusion, something to comfort themselves with what is going on. Suice is, in fact, for the strong minded. You hear stories all the time about how people kill themselves, but few people actually go further and find out about the PERSON and their life and what led to their suicide.
All the methods of suicide (from cliffs and buildings to hanging, overdoses, guns, cutting wrists et cetera) could be fairly straight-forward, but think on the moment – the EXACT moment where you would be have the noose around your neck or perched on the edge of a cliff and just see what thoughts run through your head.
I’ve actually done both and I can tell you that the thoughts are worse than anything you wake up to each day and live through.
No, it’s not for the weak minded at all. The actual act of jumping off a cliff or pulling a gun trigger or hurtling yourself in front of a train – THAT is hardest part of all to go through with.
I am all for suicide and people who want to commit suicide, but as I have said to others, if you don’t actually take the time and effort to stop worrying about what your problems are and do something to change them, then you’re pretty much dead to the world already, spiritually if not physically.