My “Life.”

March 30th, 2010by starsdontcry

My life has always been difficult. By the time I could talk, I was being molested by three men at the time. Both grandfathers (one of which being a step-grandfather), and an uncle. Later on, when my other uncle, who was about ten years older than I, saw what his father was doing to me, he began to molest and rape me, too. So it became four men that were abusing me in that way. The problem with that is everyone in my family thinks it’s only three men. Well, few know that BOTH grandfathers raped and molested me. NONE know that my youngest uncle raped me, too. That’s the thing. Nobody would believe me about it. I’ve tried to tell people, but nobody’s believed, so I’ve stopped trying to tell. He doesn’t do it anymore. I think he remembers it, because he’s REALLY nice to me now, but he’s old enough now to know it’s not good to do. When he was young and seeing his dad do it, he thought it was okay, and that it was a game. He knows now it’s not either, and he hasn’t done it since. The last time I was sexually abused was when I was eight and I told everyone about my oldest grandfather. These transgressions against me left deep markings. I find it hard to trust anyone, especially men. Recently, I’ve had some issues. I’m a seventeen year old girl, and every guy I’ve dated recently expected me to “put out.” The last two beaus I REALLY liked. One, right after I told him, in no uncertain terms, I was not sleeping with him, he broke up with me to go with another girl. The other, after I told him I wasn’t sleeping with him, cheated on me with two other girls. I had trusted and known both for three years. It still hurts that they would do that. During all that, my best friend since fifth grade was going around psreading lies about me and calling me a lying *****, to my face, just because two of her newest “friends” hated me. When one of her “friends” moved away, she begged me to forgive her, saying she didn’t know what was wrong with her. Then a rumor spread about the girl coming back, and my “friend” started doing the same thing. During THAT, my favorite sister has lupus, MS, muscular dystrophy, cystic fibrosis and a three-year-old daughter in the worst place of all: where three of my rapists still live. I recently found out that my uncle, the oldest one, was back in my family’s life again, and might have been exposed to my niece. I KNOW, without a doubt, that my step-grandfather is sexually abusing my niece. I can’t do anything about it, since I’ve no proof, but I know it’s happening. I recognize all the signs in my niece. She screams when any GUY goes to change her diaper, she hates being around HIM and she has nightmares, ALL the time. I know it’s happening to her. I just don’t know how to stop it. Now I’m being homeschooled, and the school has already spread 500 rumors about me, which means if I value my life, I canNOT go back. So now I’m in homeschool, but it’s not working out so well. The homeschool comp. that they sent us does not work. 9/10 times that I try to do my work, it says, “Internet Explorer Cannot Display Webpage.” When I DO get it to load my internet classroom, 9/10 times when I click on my assignment, it says, “ERROR ERROR, CANNOT LOAD.” So I don’t know what to do, and my mother is bitching at me all the time now. She’s ALWAYS on my back about something now. And I kind of understand: her father, my REAL grandfather, the one who NEVER abused me, may be dying from cancer. BUT THAT DOES NOT MAKE ME HER SCAPEGOAT. I can’t stand much more of this. My best friend, who had been the guy I’d dated and who had left me for another girl, never talks to me anymore, so I have nobody to talk to anymore. I don’t know what to do!

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