A little introduction.Â This forum is the closest thing to a suicide forum that I could find so here I am.Â And speaking for at least myself here:Â If you think that my posts are a cry for help, then accept that I don’t want your help.Â In fact it’s people like you that do the opposite of what everyone asks you to do that creep me to death (pun intended).Â Repeat:Â I do not want your help, this is not a cry for help.Â If someone spams me with a 1-800-number or reminds me that my coming absence will be hurting people realize you need to keep your pity to yourself because personally it makes me sick.Â I have enough guilt and shame in my life without you shoving it down my neck that even my final day will be a disaster.Â I am suicidal in a non-artificial way, and I am glad.Â Fuck my life, fuck this world, you can take it and keep it because whichever and you wouldn’t know pain if it came up and bit you.
A side issue.Â You nice folks out there that are talking about jumping off of cliffs, taking aspirins, lying down in front of trains, etc. need to do a little bit more homework and I don’t mean algebra.Â Personally I am going for an inert gas as my self-deliverance method and I’m sure it’ll be quite a bit more painless than having my tendons and skin ripped grinded and jackhammered in between steel rails and the wheels of a train.Â And as far as gases go there are several options that I am contemplating for myself; carbon monoxide, helium, hydrogen sulfide, nitrous oxide, etc.Â Now that’s what I call options.
I would go on and tell about my story but I could fill a whole book about that nonsense.Â Long story short I am done.Â Everything I touch turns to shit, much like how it’s gone for many of you from what it sounds like.Â My efforts at sobriety, family, career, education, religion, have all failed horribly and I am left wondering why is it exactly that God could do this to me.Â I am left out in the cold with no options, as whichever options I would try is bound to fail anyways.Â I already know this and I am tired of it.Â My final conclusion is that this world has endless rewards for the unjust, and severely punishes the honest good people. Â I am done and I have been done for quite some time, all I seem to do is haunt wherever I “live” as I have for the last couple of decades.Â If I don’t post again for whatever reason, I wish you all the best, and just know that you are not alone.Â For me I’ve been suicidal for a long time, but there was always a bright day after a dark night in the past for me, that’s what got me through, apparently not any more though.Â Bright days are a thing of the past for me now and if you can find one then I’d say go for it, if not then so be it too, know that you are not alone either way, from GEDs to Ph.Ds people are leaving in droves.Â I’ve already got my exit song (Down Colorful Hill by the Red House Painters).
Well I hope this helps someone at least.
All comments are welcome except for the fake empathy of those who spam 1-800 numbers and feel the twisted need to remind me that my absence will cause some pain to others.