I thought this site would help me change my mind. i planned on doing “it” next monday.
My name is Larry and suicidal thoughts began when i was 16 ( im 18 now)
My dad left my mom since as long as i could remember.
me an my mom been through alot of hard times, like sleeping in cars, at aunts house, and moving from place to place.
but one thing about her tho, she would go to the ends of the earth for my happiness
when i was 16 we actually got a pretty decent 2 story house
that was probably the happiest ive ever been
i had a girl friend and a car
then one day everything changed.
my mom got fired.
and within a three month period we lost everything.
my car and her car, the house, my gf, my computer, cell phone, furniture.. etc
we had to move into a trailer
about a week after that i got a job at a grocery store
and another week after that i told my mom how i felt
everything from not believing in god anymore to killing myself
she was devastated and didnt know wat to do
she tried using words of encouragement to help
they didnt. words cant help me
i became enlightened of this horrible world we live in
my mind grew and learned of all the terrible corruption in this world
this is when i developed “The Monster” (hence the name of the title)
its some sort of an alter ego, almost like schizophrenia
The Monster cares about nothing including it self or me
The Monster has no emotions
The Monster has no sympathy for any living thing or person
The Monster regrets nothing
The Monster told its mom ” if u got hit by a bus and became a quadriplegic, went deaf blind and mute i wouldnt care”
I hate it… i hate it so much
i wrote ten poems about it, but stopped helping me so i stopped writing them
i saved up to get another car
Then I recently moved out of my moms house into an apartment with a roommate
i thought it was the right thing to do, because i felt like my mom was burdening me
i got a job at a warehouse, making decent money to support myself
everything was actually going pretty good, until my car slid and rear-ended another car
i dont have insurance to fix my car
i didnt have time to save up any money
the only reason i was waiting until monday is because im going to see my favorite band in concert on sunday.
My mind is always thinking about how corrupted humanity is
i tell people that im embarrassed to be a human
i only have 2 good friends
The Monster is constantly taunting me to “open peoples eyes”
im afraid of The Monster, because it might hurt someone. it has before
I’ve cut myself
I feel alone in this world.
i just found the girl im talking to doesnt like me
I wish i was “ignorant” again