I was raped 30 plus years ago by a boyfriend I trusted. He told me he loved me. He was my first. He then put my head up against a wall and told me if I didn’t have sex with him he would put my head through the wall. I’ll never forget the pain or the humiliation. My choice was taken away. He tried to strangle me. He slapped me. He used me. This pain will never go away. My heart will never mend. Although he’s out of my life, I will never be the same. My marriage to a wonderful man will never be right. I feel I’m putting him and everyone else through hell. I just want the pain to go away. Why won’t this pain end?? When will I stop remembering? He found me on Facebook. Oh God, make it end. I can make it end. I have enough Ativan to make it end. Give me the courage.