When I was in high school I was popular, I was the capt. of the basketball team, i was in the national honor society, didnt smoke pot or do any drugs, i was a saint in everyones eyes and i was on top of the world. Then, i met a girl who i feel in love with. i was a senior at the time. I would do anything for her just to see her smile, her friends liked me and everything. I had problems though, I was very paranoid about lossing her, never believed she loved me or in that case i could be loved. I knew everyone liked me but i still felt lonely inside. I kept hoping things would get worse me and her would be together and thats all that matters. Things happened, I dont know exactly why it happened, we stopped talking, she moved on but i didnt. I still loved her. Then after a while, i got tired of that pain you see when the person you love is with another person, i broke down when i saw her picture and then i finally realized it was all my fault and i was pushing her away because i have a fear of abandonment. I decided that life wasnt worth living anymore. Then i wrote a letter about how much i hate everything and no one loves me and all this stuff. Then i took a couple xanax and a pill to stop me from throwing up and after a while my wrist got very familiar with a razor blade. Xanax saved my life, i passed out before i could cut deep enough to hit a vein even though alot of damage was already done, I woke up, dizzy from the xanax called my mom and realized that i wanted to live. Went to the hospital, they sent me to get help, i got help and was on a pink cloud. that was in october. After a while the lonely feelings are back, ive seen 4 therapists and nothing helps. I’m STILL not over that girl, all this time ive been running from everything. Im scared of what people will say when they see the scars on my arms. I havent told that girl what i did and she was the cause of it cuz i dont want her to feel sorry for me. I currently like this other girl who can make me smile but i dont think she is serious about anything. Right now im not happy, but im not sad. I feel this blank emptiness inside. The funny thing is that i can help everyone else solve their problems, im very good at that, but i cant solve my own.