Ill make it short and to the point. I’ve had AIDs for 20 years. Most that time i have been fine, but the last 5 years have caught up with me. My husband of 15 years died of cancer with aids complications. My health has improved since starting the fowl, shitty feeling drugs they give you to prolong your life. Â I have been so darned alone since my husband died. Ive tried dating, but i have to date someone that is also sick, and most those people i know, are worse off than i am, and have no hope for the future. I started seeing someone recently, whom i had a nice relationship with, if somewhat younger than myself. But, in the end, no one wants to be with you, if you have aids. But, in the end, it was, understandably, to scary a thing for him to want to deal with. I understand. I understood long ago my chances for a meaningful relationship were slim to none. But i have worked so long and hard, to be acceptable, and loving, yet, it always comes down to being completly alone. And when i am alone, i realize just how tired i am. Im thinking its just not worth it. I feel like poop everyday from my meds – sure – im alive, but i can’t work and play in the world like others. Â So more than anything,…. i need loved, and that ain’t gonna happen. I really want to know how to leave, in hopefully as fast and painless as possible. Don’t reccomend religion or 12 step, i am far past talking it away. Im tired, and tired of my life.
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I do not know if I can offer much help. But I would recommend just to stop dating. Get off the drugs, go spend the last few parts of your life doing everything you have wanted to do.
Go on trips, lose yourself in the world. Have fun while it lasts, and then maybe when you start to get extremely sick, you could ask for something that would kill you in your sleep. Don’t OD on sleep medication or other drugs, it usually takes a long time.
I’m sorry if posting this does not help.
yes, you are alive – thank you for acknowledging this…but why don’t you acknowledge that being alive is a good thing?
maybe living isn’t fun right now and hasn’t been for a while, but it is a good thing.
because you have a disease – your ‘chances’ for finding a real relationship in contrast to a fake relationship is much higher than it would be without a disease. anybody will date somebody, but not anybody will be so loving to date someone with a disease like this. if my girlfriend had this disease, i’d still love her, and i’d stay her’s. having this disease only makes any relationships instantly much more serious, and that’s a very good thing.
a lot of people have meaningless relationships, believe me – but you won’t be able to find one that is meaningless very easily.
will you please talk to me? i realize that the world is cruel to you – and i can help you. my contact info is at skull09.net
what can you do? keep trying, don’t give up hope. “don’t recommend religion” ? why not? please pray for strength..you’ve got nothing to lose.
take care please & thank you for reading
What many people don’t understand about long term illness is that it can devastate the body and mind. I know this from personal experience. Recommending that a person stop taking meds and live an adventurous life until the end is but a storybook fantasy for someone who is depleted physically. And telling him that life is wonderful no matter what is nonsense to one who suffers extreme fatigue/chronic pain and depression on a daily basis.
Relationships are possible for just about everyone in this diverse world. If you think one will bring you purpose and “willâ€, there are probably groups in your area for such encounters. And there are chat rooms for HIV positive people to talk and vent and laugh a bit. There are many people with diseases who find compatible relationships. There are many people without diseases who don’t.
By the way, a nutritional and gentle exercise regimen can mitigate the side effects of HIV medication. It takes persistence and dedication, but doesn’t everything?
Often I get more horrified by the comments of other people than by the stories themselves. Just ignor this K3T guy who is a twisted psycho Jesus phreak lecturing everybody about condemnations and the bible. Ignore also the other stupid comment.
To solutions: do keep taking your medicines. Stop dating, yes because this will not make you happier. You are expecting, demanding to receive love and that is selfish from anybody. It is you who has to help. Help others in other countries, join voluntary organisations and dont you get involved in flirts or things like that! you have to stick to your purpose of helping others. If you can help for another 20 years your life will have been more meaningful than most of other people’s.
The 3rd is just not called for. I’m sure u mean well but the other 2 comments are very inspiring and have a lot of meaning to it. You are right as in travel and educate people more about this devastating diease. Help as much people as u can, give them hope and support that is needed to live as long as u have. _u had a wonderful husband as well am sure a great and loving life with him, and maybe having a serious relationship close to that is what u are seeking for, but even with someone that doesn’t have illness finding that is like 1 in a million, but be very grateful u came across that some people like me have not yet gotten to experience that yet and probably never will. You have been such a strong person to keep on fighting like u have many people would have given up already but u didn’t and that is something to be proud of. I’m actually wondering if u are still grieving over the lost of ur husband and is why u seek the need for a relationship. Push forward and keep moving, life can only go one way, seek the positive in why u are still alive and use that to motivate u. U still have so much more to live and in one suggestion on one of the comments which I do agree is to use your diease as a positive motivation to speech and educate people with.I can only imagine how much meds are straining u out. I’m sure u fill the live is being sucked right out of u. But please find the will to keep going, u want to leave life knowing u had a great and full filled life taken by ur illness not taken by ur on hand. Good luck to u take care of urself because ur life is worth fighting ang hanging on to
I’d like to defend K3T here, he’s a kid, he’s trying to help, and he’s dedicating a lot of time to it. So I think he should be praised, I for one am quite inspired by his example. If people don’t want his help, they have only to ignore his comments.
On to the original poster:
Am sorry to hear about your terrible predicament. The only thing I can say is that you never know what might be round the corner. I know that sounds silly, but I can’t think of a way to disprove it, so there you have it. Sorry about not providing a method suggestion. All the best. You sound nice, and as if you have love to give.
U r welcome to write me if u feel like it:
muspelhem@hotmail.com
All the best
I appreciate every one of your responses, you all give me lots to think about. but i very much appreciate wonderwondering. it would be nice to seize the world, and have my adventures – but the young man that visited me – i can’t even keep up with him on a hike, there aren’t too many adventures left. too tired. And i appreciate justalvaro and minnie – good points. I gave the impression that my husband just died – he died 5 years ago – and i have been empty since. For me, its day to day. Some days im not exausted, and life is ok. but then, i try to do things with other guys, just anything – social – hiking – i used to love the outdoors and mountains- but it humiliates me to have friends or potential partners always waiting for me to catch up. Some of you alls comments are a bit hard, but i can tell they came from your hearts, and it means alot that you would take the time to talk to me, i am alone in this, i can’t talk about it with anyone safely. Thanks to each of you.
you’re very welcome, please let me do anything i can for you
A lost of a loved one can devaste anyone, going through the grieving process is another thing. Death is the end of life but its also about living on as when one passes the loved ones are left to live on. That’s where everone gets stuck on. Grieving doesn’t mean u have forgotten but just means u accepted and letting go of the pain.no matter if they just passed on recently or yrs ago the hurt will always be there until u accept it and move on.easier to say than to do, I know. It starts just by the realization that they are no longer around,learning to live without that certain someone is so hard to do it takes one day at a time. U fought hard to stay alive and u should be so proud. U have a lot of fight let in u, please take care of yourself
There is a lot of ridiculous posts on here that offer no reassurance. Well sweetheart, I understand your pain and the trials and tribulations that you have been faced with. I’m actually waiting on my results but I see greatness in all outcomes. This is a disease like many and there’s nothing you can’t do to overcome this. People are just so uneducated on this disease and so much stigma surrounds it. After doing so much research and having close relationships with HIV positive human beings, I’ve learned so much about myself. Yes, it is extremely difficult but there is so many people out there that are enduring so much pain because of cancer, diabetes, hepatitis and so much more. YOU AREN’T THIS DISEASS, IT DOESN’T DEFINE YOU AS A PERSON, SO YOU SHOULDN’T LET IT BRING YOU DOWN. There’s people out there that feel just like you do includng myself. This is what helps me get through the day. Take care.
Wanna chat:
uniquedomirican@aol.com