so….im back. and im worse than ever. i seriously try so much to be happy, it just never happens!! EVER! i seriously want to die, if that will make all the pain go away. i cant stand this any longer. i try so hard, but it never happens. i miss him so bad..i know im stupid for being so depressed over a guy, but i cant help it. its just so easy to love him. but, whats so wrong with me? why cant he love me back anymore? he used too. whats the deifference now? i used to be happy. i wasn’t always like this. my family used to love each other. i honestly HATE my sister. with a passion. dont ask me why. because its too long to write. she RUINED my entire family. my mom used to be happy, now shes not, ever. she hurts me. bad. my brother used to be my best friend. now he moved out and barely comes around anymore. i’m slowly pushing all my friends away. the only friend i had was my ex, but now he will barely talk to me. he helped me through so much. through my cousins suicide, my mom abusing me, my dad hating me, my sister lying, my friends hating me. and now, i pushed him away..and hes not there anymore. i hurt,Â so bad. seems like the only time i AM happy is when i’m cutting, when i feel the razor slide down my wrist. i’m sick. i know. but i cant help it anymore. i hate myself.