Life for me sucks. And I feel like I can’t even complain because I am surrounded by amazing people, I go to a good school, I’m smart, I have every opportunity in the world if I choose to take it. But I can’t make anything out of my opportunities because so much of the time I am depressed and I just can’t talk to people or do things I like. I get to feeling so frustrated, because I love my friends, but I’m not available a lot of the time…oh, and I get down on myself, I feel like I’m worthless, I’m not getting anywhere–I go to therapy four times a week, which is a lot, and it’s helped me sort some things out, but I feel like I haven’t been making any progress lately and that I’ve just slipped away. I feel that I will never be happy, even though I know that I have been happy before. I think about suicide a lot, and it’s on my mind basically all the time. Like a few minutes ago I was looking up photos of suicides, for some weird reason. I guess I wanted to dissuade myself. The worst thing is I feel so trapped–I’m in my house so much of the time, and it’s like I just can’t summon the will to get out of it. Ughhhhhh. I want to be happy really badly…say something nice to me, will ya? (I’m a junior in high school by the way)
5 comments
hello
well, you say that you were happy before, so that means, you will be happy after too. As the summer is coming, why dont you take a 2 months vacation and leave the country? go to Europe, or South America. Something that may appeal to you. Yes, I know, the only thing you want to do is lie in bed and roll over to one side and then to the other, but even so, just find those opportunities for the summer and make the calls. Whether it is to plant trees in the desert of Spain, or to work in the salt mines in Bolivia or to teach English in Poland, get out of your mileu. You would be surprised the effect. 17, I wish, again I was 17 and you are smart, it is easy to tell, because at that age I did not even know the meaning of the word opportunity
I know what do you mean by – you were happy before, but you know you will never be happy again. I have felt that way many times before. But the day after… it was the same. Next day again the same, and then the same and same and same. Yesterday suddenly the Sun has dawned in front of me (not literally, I just felt so) and I was happy. Still scared, but happy. Today I was happy too, but I feel that dusk is coming again to my heart.
So what about to try to rest for some time and wait for another day? Maybe the sun will dawn tommorow. Until it will come you have full right to complain, to feel bad and to throw every opportunity away. Don’t push yourself so hard. I know this will not make you feel better, but trying if you can do nothing about your depression will only make you more frustrated. I don’t know if I’m right and this is the point in your case, maybe not and maybe it is.
Your a junior in high school, for the love all that’s holy. Why not wait until you are a junior in college before calling it good night? How’s that for a plan?
Hi,
From my own personal experiences with friends and family, I know that suicide is one of those things that keeps stabbing itself into your brain. Over and over again.
You need to do something, anything, to get your mind off it. Whether that be going out for lunch with someone or standing in a large, grassy field and screaming until your lungs can’t take anymore – to relieve the pain.
Stay strong. Believe in yourself but don’t be afraid to talk to someone, anyone, about what’s happened in the past, how you’re feeling in the present and what you’re dreading in the future.
Look – I’m a senior in high school – we’re obviously a similar age. If you feel like discussing anything, you can contact me at: lindsaybgilbert@msn.com
good comments all of you!