i have never been good enough for anyone my parents are up my ass every second
im so done
with seeing you every
day and knowing you dont need me anymore cause im not enough for you and i still love you and yeah im bi
not just curious but bi for real and you got mad when i didnt tell you cause ive been ridiculed for it my whole fucking life just cause i sucked a dick or two yeah if it came down to it id choose women but god damn im not good enough for anyone anymore so why shouldnt i just end all this shit and youll never have to see me again you tell me that it’d hurt you but iknow it would be better
and the only thing now keeping me from ending it myself is fear that i’d hurt people i love and even though i know they love me i feel so hollow and so alone
2 comments
Hi,
First, it is good, or I would say, great that you have someone who loves you, and also that you know it. So, that has to be a strong link to them that must put away the idea of hurting yourself. That you feel hollow and alone, yes, that is right the feeling one has when being depressed, but that does not mean that this is how it is going to stay. Feelings and situations evolve.
As per what you mention of being “bi” or “tri”, there is not such a thing as being that, in the sense of having a quality impressed on you as if you are black or white or yellow. This is not something with which someone is born.
It is the result of emotional wounds, usually very, very, very! subtle, hurting here and there through months and or years and making transformations in your mind that remain unnoticed until you do something unexpected even for you. You would be surprised to see how our pysche evolves as a living entity. I have known fully heterosexual people, who were married and never had any homo desire for their 40 or 50 years of life, but then series of events in daily life make those weird transformations in our mind. You yourself are writing it, and we, you and I are completely sure that if you had now the kind of life that you wanted, you would have not derived into bi experiences, which you should consider irrelevant and not make it like something that “makes you that”.
So, dont stigmatize yourself as “bi” ot “tri”. If we manage that you start finding the style of life you want, you will leave that behind and settle with a nice girl. Some people make it and that is it. Others don’t and stay for life bi or tri or whatever. If you are curious about learning about it, there is a book by Richard Cohen, (Coming out straight) and he describes the whole process, he is a psychologist and he himself was a homosexual in the past, (due to being abused at the age of 5 by his uncle ), but he stopped being by healing his emotional wounds with a fantastic woman.
Also, if you are young, and it pretty much sounds so, those feelings and experiences are all too common. At that age, in most people, their own self esteem depends on what others tell them. And if turns out that the parents are assholes, then we have a depressed kid.
That you are not good with girls? Anybody can date a girl and nobody can date all girls. While looking like Tom Cruise does help, you can still get them even if you are not like him. I have seen so many disturbing looking guys with outstanding, absolutely outstanding beauties, that that clearly tellls you that if someone like them could get that girl, then I can win the lottery too.
The only thing that you need to keep safe when approaching to chat up with a girl is the image you project in terms of whether you sound sure of yourself and happy with what you are. Girls detect that as if with a radar. Never approach a girl with something like “can I talk to you?” Dont ask for permission, and the more challenging the situation, the more they will like it.
In all , you are a fine young man, healthy and have all the potential. If you still feel that you would like to talk an expert in the field, go ahead, but by all means, you have all the reasons to love yourself and dont put on you comments such as “i am worthless” etc which are completely untrue.
Well, I hope you take it from here with more optimism and smile brightly to life or at least brightier.
best greetings
Al
I’m sorry , i know what it feels like to be bisexual and penalized . I’m a 16 year old bisexual girl who’s a dropout , been through shit , done shit , has hurt , has been hurt . i don’t ridicule you , im not really the type to put anyone out there or even judge them . i’m sorry , again , for what you had to go through , what we all had to go through and still do , it’s an ongoing struggle , sometimes it never ends , and when it does it’s just to invite another one in . -___- life .
if you ever wanna talk , my aim is jessins94 .