a day later.

  April 5th, 2010 by Alyssa Bella

hi everyone that has read my story. this is the day after easter, also the day after i posted my story of myself. to make my story so much more shorter, to save people time from my worthless story. im only 17, junior in highschool, i hate my life completly and everything i turned out to be so far. i have no father and the mother i do have, we have no relationship. my father abandoned me when i was a baby, my mother was a teenage mom when she had me… she didnt know how to deal with me. so she took it out with abuse by beating me and verbally telling me things. my family life doesnt excist, she has a husband now that doesnt talk to me because he has his two sons with her (my half brothers). im the black sheep and feel it everyday… my clock is ticking. i cant see the light anymore, no matter how hard i try to see it.

so.. after making my first post about my story, i ended up two hours later overdosing on medication. the pains started to come because i didnt go to sleep and i was admited into a hospital. the discharged me this morning with only a perscription for medication and an appointment with a therapists. in my heart, i was hoping this would make me feel better.. being in the hospital, maybe people would want to help me. i felt they just wanted to get me out of there and out of thier way. i didnt get to go to school, thank god because i cant concertrate anymore because im so fucking depressed. i went to drivers ed and just sat there unaware of my surroundings… i teared up a little bit while sitting there.  i feel no different.. only thing is i dont have that urge to kill myself, but i do see it coming back again and soon, if nothing changed with me. i dont know what to do.. no matter what i try, its all the same. alone, depressed, empty, hurt, bitter, frustrated, and lacking. any term to describe utter defeat is me.

if you dont fully understand anything, read my first post.. my story, its rather long though. sorry, but maybe.. some one can help me? though i doubt it completly. i dont even see why anyone would want to put such effort.

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