Ive been thinkingÂ a lot of things through lately, trying to remember when I started wanting to kill myself.
I dont remember,Â I think it was just so long ago that thet fantasies started,Â that I just have lost track of the years.
You know the fantasies I’m taling about; the bloody bathtubs, lifeless body hanging from a rope, unconscious lump of dead weight lying on a bed, pill bottle sitting empty on the nightstand. I’ve had them all before, and many others I don’t relly understand. Throwing myself in front of a car, jumping off the golden gate bridge, going skydiving without a parachute.
I have come up with a solution to why those last few fantasies seem much more intriguing then the others. They’re…exciting. I think if I was going to really go through with it I would want to go out with a bang, you know, live on the edge for the last few moments of my life.
That’s crazy, though. Who thinks about things like that on a daily basis and thinks that it’s normal?
I do, duh.
Isn’t that normal for a teen to think about that? I mean, all people think about how they’re going to die someday at one point in there life, and i just happen to think about it now, and most of the time suicide is what I come up with, because im too chicken to getÂ out of my office and go live in the world.
If you live, then you die faster. That’s all there is to it.