when something bad happens,
i grab a bottle of pills,
twist it and turn it,
in my hands
round and around,
i listen
to the “drop the world”
because it is the same as my mood,
it expresses how i feel.
i turn the pills in my hand
and listen.
i think about suicide,
a lot,
i dont think that i am normal.
i think about suicide and death too much.
im scared.
but i want to do it- kill myself.
i think to myself.
what would u say if i told u,
that i had a death wish.
countless times- i wrote suicide notes,
and swallowed pills, not enough to kill me.
but enough to do some harm over a period of time.
if i told u i wanted to die-
would u ask my why i wanted to die?
would u wrap me around in a hug?
would u ask me if i wanted to hurt my family like that?
or would u not care?
everyday i have these conversations with myself.
the thought of suicide becomes to overwhelming to me.
one more incident could send me,
flying over the edge.
i dont want to die.
but sometimes it seems like the only option.
i know i need some help.
but im scared to talk with someone i know and trust,
and someone i dont.
i dont want to be judged,
because im already being judged everyday.
11 comments
“drop the world” … are you talking about the rap song from lil wayne nd eminem “drop the world” ?
yup
i listen to that song
a lot
when im feeling angry and mad
i used to listen to that song a lot too , nd the song “i feel like dying” from lil wayne as well , especially when i would be doped up . i feel you don’t worry , i get those feelings quite a lot unfortunately -__-
there arent many people out there who understand.
thanks
it’s alright , don’t worry . this world is filled with incomprehensible people -__- it’s extremely hard to find someone who’s compassionate now in days , yet i try to be the most compassionate (yet rational) out of the people i know .
how old are you btw and since when have u been suicidal ?
i am 14 and for a year or so now
oh , i see .
well , i’m 16 , if that makes you feel less alone (:
and i’m not exactly suicidal but … i’m in deception of the world . which is worse because i don’t find death to be a solution , yet i don’t know what to make of the tribulations around me .
i wonder what’s happened in your life to make you consider suicide , i was suicidal before when i was a bit younger than you , around 13 .
it does make me feel a little better that u are as young as me
i thought that maybe i was nuts or something
because people as young as us shouldn’t think about suicide and stuff like that.
or at least thats wat my mom tells me…. :/
i considered suicide because
of this thing that people around me (especially boys) tend to say and think of me without really knowing me.
they just like to see me angry and in pain. i guess but its so hard to ignore them. sometimes i cant take it anymore. -__-
man i wish there wasnt any pain in the world.
no one thought about suicide
but the world isnt a clean place
and its bigger than i thought
What is it that guys think about you ?
Let me tell you something , never , ever fall down because of what people think . Once in a while it’s normal to feel overwhelmed , cause I get that feeling too and I’d be a hypocrite if I say i didn’t , but never , for anyone , under any circumstance , consider suicide because of a couple of guys , or girls , or even everyone in your school or neighborhood . it’s not worth it . one day , when you grow out of your adolescence and into young adulthood , you’ll leave all that crap behind and start a new life , why stagnate that from ever happening , for people who don’t give a fuck about you ? I know it’s hard , and I know that opinions hurt (especially emotional people , like me , even if I’m not an openbook and I barely show it) , and sometimes , often times , they hurt a lot , but never consider that as a motive for suicide . Don’t leave the earth for a bunch of assholes , you’re better than that , you can aspire to do so much things with your life and you’re only 14 (: despite the mistakes you might’ve made or are being jeopardized for without reason , you still have a whole life ahead of you , and you will make it . You just need patience , understanding , and a friend . You need someone to rely on , because making it on your own is hard , believe me .
And you’re right , this world is pretty big , however I’ve found that it’s actually smaller than I thought lol , I thought it was bigger but mostly everyone knows everyone . Crazy huh ? No one here lives without being recognized by at least one person in your life . That’s why we can’t escape people , and that’s why you should never commit suicide because of them , because along with bad people there’s also good people , it’s just a matter of discerning .
I wish there wasn’t any pain either , I only wish .
i wont judge you and u can trust me so hit me up if you ever need anyone and dont do it please i understand how u feel…
e-mail-mkafan12@yahoo.com
I am so sorry Katherine, i really am, because even though i have never met you i definitely understand what you are going through. It is not a phase or a call for help. It is real. I know.
I have been where you are now and want to say also that you are very admirable for sharing your feelings. something i did not do for a long time.
You are Normal without a doubt Katherine because you cannot be blamed for your emotions as no-one else can be for theirs. It seems the thing that is causing your pain is other people who simply disregard your feelings and the reactions of their actions. So while they are to blame and go unpunished you are dealing with this problem but if they just want to see you angry and in pain then do not give them the pleasure.
I have listened to that song maybe a hundred times in the last week because it has such a strong POSITIVE message. i hope that the next time you listen to it you pick up on this in the lyrics. let it give you determination and strength.
example:
“confidence is a stain they can’t wipe off”
You are right about the world being a big place. But it is also very rich in Friendship, Love and Opportunity. Every stranger in the world is a friend you haven’t met yet. If anything you can use this experience to learn how to move forward. you have been through your share of pain and now you deserve the joy. It is going to come to you soon enough and will taste even sweeter. Remember that joy wouldn’t feel good if it wasn’t for pain.
The thing it comes down to is you Katherine. Don’t drag this out and keep hurting yourself for other people. choose to live your own life and let yourself be happy. Please do not let us lose you and be left with these idiots who just want to hurt people.
Happy to talk anytime if you feel down.
ferrari18971488@aol.com