I was sitting on the couch today. I had just had a really emotional argument with my pregnant girlfriend. She left; crying. I sat there with the intentions of grabbing my rifle and doing the deed.
I don’t know why I didn’t. I didn’t have any revelations, and there was no divine intervention; I just didn’t do it.
I don’t care about anything except changing the way I feel. I almost can’t sit still anymore because the pain is too great. I feel like I am not supposed to be here, in this situation.
I don’t care about anyone.
I try, but I can’t find any compassion.
I told my father that my girlfriend was pregnant yesterday. His reaction was similar to what I had imagined.
I don’t want to be in this relationship. I feel like I want someone different. I have nothing in common with this girl, and now I feel trapped.
I need someone that I can connect with. I don’t give a fuck about who is winning American Idol, or what’s news on Facebook.
Fuck Facebook. I keep telling my girlfriend that Facebook is the new singles bar of the 21st century, but she denies that. Not that I would care if she met someone. My gripe is about the usage, and how peoples’ whole lives exist on pages located on a remote server somewhere.
Fuck me, fuck them, fuck everybody. I need a drink.
I’ll just continue to recite my daily mantra: I hate my life, I hate myself, and it’s all my fucking fault.
25 yrs old looking 26 in the face.
13 comments
“I feel like I am not supposed to be here, in this situation.”
That’s where I’m at. I often, several times a day every day, wish that our society lived according to nature, natural principles, and natural laws. But instead we live in this artificial, manufactured paperwork reality of attorneys and neatly typed up law books that are tens of thousands of pages, effectively protecting the most deceitful corrupt bastards on the planet, and officially banishing many of the just to fire & brimstone on earth. It is the fact of this artificial reality that kills me, they just pave it over with concrete, but no matter how much they do, the weeds and plant life underneath keep coming up through the cracks and breaking it up, then they have to put out their stupid orange cones and repave it, screwing up traffic and pissing everybody off in an endless cycle, and the weeds will soon break through again. We can’t live apart from nature like this. If I were in a tribe I would not be dealing with this corruption, I would not be demonized because I had sex, and by demonized I mean a $200,000 bill of child support for two kids that I never ever wanted to have in the first place. If they wanted to be so stupid as to have kids with someone who didn’t love them and didn’t want any kids in the first place then they should be stuck to fend for themselves, and she should pay the price for her fu123cking stupid mistake. You better get her to have an abortion and I mean quick, before your life as you know it is “officially” over; complete with endless paperwork, warrants and threats. Where if you’re only 50% suicidal now you’ll be 100% after they are done with you.
29 looking at 30 in a couple of months.
Damn . I wish I knew what to say in your situation . I don’t know what I’d do if I was pregnant , I know that this will cause much criticism , but I probably would end up having an abortion . I couldn’t tie myself up to anybody , especially if I’m bound to someone by another life . I wouldn’t be the shining example of a good mother either , in fact most people aren’t , I don’t understand what’s the fixation or trend to want to have babies . I guess it’s things like that that just ultimately deviates me from our popular culture now in days , I’m just living in my own little world .
Maybe you don’t care about anybody because you haven’t found anyone to truly care for . You can’t force feelings , or make yourself want to feel something for someone , that’s just not how emotions work . You can train your mind , but you can’t train your heart . You can lie to yourself all you want up there , but buried inside the truth remains palpable . That’s just the way we are .
The best thing you can do right now is try to convince her not to have the baby . I think that would be best for both of you . Why would you want to bring a child into this world to suffer , since both of you are obviously not in accordance with one another ? Just make those points obvious , surely she can’t be that selfish … but I guess I’m just always covering up for people , most people are assholes , and what best way to tie up someone with a kid ? Still , it sounds so cruel , to make someone suffer by making someone else suffer … it’s just a lose-lose situation , and it makes no sense .
I agree , I used to have a facebook for a while but i deleted mines; too much drama , friend requests from random guys i didn’t even know wanting to hook up , it’s pathetic , and i just don’t wanna put myself out there knowing that when i’m logged off some pervert is checking out my pictures . it just makes me shutter . Most people now in days would be flattered , but it’s just disgusting and deprecating . i prefer real life .
Cheers , i guess you’re not the only one in need of a drink xP
Dont you dump a pregnant girl. Dont you make cry a pregnant girl. You must be a man now and care for her and the baby. I am not going to be compasionate with you because there is a baby who deserves love, who was never asked if he wanted to come to this world. You are going to be a man, you are going to get a job and you are going to protect this woman and this baby for the rest of your life!
Jess Ins is trying to convince that you murder the baby in the womb of her mother. Dont you dare to commit that murder. That is an abominable crime. ! If you two have made a mistake, you give the baby to adoption, because there are thousands of good parents wishing to have one and they cant.
Wow just wow.
How much more ignorant can you get ?
You obviously think everything is as easy as to “man up” . You love to judge people and dictate them on what and how you think is right . I just stated my opinion on the matter and you accuse me of telling someone to murder someone else . I think it’s a little pathetic , considering that I personally just share a different view on the topic , but if you have a need to impose your belief unto everyone , that’s okay (: it’s not unusual .
Now what you said about adoption is also a good idea , that is true that there are lots of good parents out there who unfortunately cannot conceive a child of there own . Just try not too attack people so much okay ? Instead of sounding like someone who wants to help you sound like someone frustrated and oppressive , and I doubt that’s how you truly are (:
I had a friend. One night, many years back, he showed off to us his vintage car he rebuilt in the garage. And one person expressed interest of taking a ride. I warned not to drive without a valid registration. Still he drove him around a few blocks. When they returned, that person generously ripped the registration sticker from an unknown car half a block down and sticked it onto my friend’s license plate. I just couldn’t warn them down. Before we left, I hurried my friend to drive the car back to the garage. And he just nodded.
Then the news came. He was charged including theft were filed against him by a police patrol seeing his car parked at that street in the next morning. And I later knew that he took all the blame without inflicting another friend that involved. And this jail time just devastated his whole being from then on.
Recently he worked abroad alone without his family. And on one day of his vacation back, I was stunned to see his weird look of his mustache and beard grown to a few inches. Well, sign of depression. Finally a hint of marriage problem. But he just tried to shift the topic. And I offered visiting him abroad, along with my very low mood then, we could unite and both
talk it out. But his excuse of very busy, turned me down. Fine, luckily I alone thought myself through.
He’s a nice guy who would boldly stand in front of friends if justice concerned, as if the cartoon character spinning fast on his feet to the scene, but now I think I already lost this friend.
Well, just someone here reminded me of him.
And I’ve learned that I easily fall in the trap of responsibility sake for others, while I can’t even be responsible to myself.
Well, still enough to advise based on my past experiences.
See if your pregnant girlfriend is willing for an abortion. If she agrees, you should do a lot of work to soothe her feeling of guilt of lost motherhood. Accompany her all the way during the abortion, in assuring her she’s not the only one going through that. If you are not able to do that, get help from the abortion centre.
Otherwise she will hate you for this.
Although it seems cruel, it seems to be the best option for both of you.
Consider also that if you make up a family of not-ideal could bring, to the couple, and the children.
And be known that a soul is supposed to have attached starting from the five months pregnancy period.
This will become a life factor too to concern.
And don’t spend your life with a woman you find hard to love. I’m very strong on this though.
I so agree. Facebook is meant to divide people, not bring them together, which is odd since you often find your old high schools buddies and other people you never talk to on there….
My advice, have a laugh, South Park recently took on Facebook (what took them so long). Watch it, you will laugh
http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/267113/?tab=featured
JustAlvaro, you think that it would be best for her to have that kid, for him to marry this girl that he doesn’t even love, and you think that that is for the best? What you have in years you apparently lack in experience Alvaro. Think about the kid for a second, a broken home is not a good thing, I still say it is best to put a stop to the whole thing as early as humanly possible, and that means one thing: abort.
My two cents: I think you should support the child and focus on being a good dad. I do not think it is best to marry. I’m a huge fan of adoption and suggest that if your gf is willing. It is a huge sacrifice to allow your child to be adopted, but it is a sacrifice borne of great love. I hope you find relief from your torment!!
I’m huge fan of abortion. If I was never born then I wouldn’t need to live this shit that humans are calling life. So instead of make you and her unhappy and child to have a shitty life in broken family, abortion is one of the best solutions.
I am so sick of people and the whole “man up” philosophy.
I can’t even handle my own responsibilites.
The abortion thing is out. There is no way she is going to do that. The only solution I can find is to abort my own life. I can’t be a father.
I appreciate all the responses; it’s all I look forward to anymore.
You can talk to me, Im depressed and I cut myself but Im still somewhat useful, people say I would make a great molestation target, which is mean but I take it anyway. Dont listen to the mean things others say, it will only bring you down into a place like mine. Dark. Depressing. Lonely. I’m going to shut up now before someone gets mad at me X_X
Haha. You sound like me. Except I wouldn’t be a great target. I’m to wierd looking. 
Hey Stephen C.
Sorry to hear it. I know talking seems pretty impotent, but have you tried to tell someone physically in the same room as you how you feel?
Have you tried talking to a person who really knows how to listen? Cause a lot of us don’t. I for one am pretty crappy at it. We often miss what people are trying to convey that they feel.
But some people are strong enough to pick it up, and to actually help others solve their problems. My ex-girlfriend is one of those people. I was blown away the first time I felt her really LISTENING to me. I think quite a few of the people on here are excellent listeners too, judging by their replies.
I just really hope you can maybe dig up someone who can listen properly to you.
May the force be with you. Or something like that 🙂