I don’t know who I am. Who does know who they are? My guess is no one really does, they just pretend like they do so no one else will see that they don’t know, and are scared of remaining unknown to themselves.
I thought I knew who I was. Pretty little Violet with a name fit for a rose, who loved to write, read, and just be by herself most of the time. I don’t know anymore. Ever since I started the tenth grade it’s as if everything I knew about myself has just been erased from my mind and I have to start over, trying to find the millions of puzzle pieces of myself that seem to be lost out in the great oblivion.
“Is that normal?” I’ve been asking myself that a lot of lately. Is it normal to not be able to sleep, to have nightmares about something in your past that happened years ago? Is it normal to hate people, to never want to leave your house and the comfort of your stories and books, even though your a sixteen year old girl? Is it normal to love traveling to other worlds just by reading the words on a page, forgetting for awhile that you’re depressed and alone in reality. is it normal to want to create your own world because you know the characters you dream up are the only ones you trust enough to keep your company, because imaginary people can’t let you down.
Well, is it?
I don’t really think there is an effective answer to this question, because NO ONE is normal. But I don’t really believe that, either. I don’t think I’m normal, I don’t think its normal to hate the company of real people, to want to stay hidden from the world outside, even though you know you could be out doing something productive (because writing books isn’t at all productive)
But I don’t know, I’ve never known.
Define Normal.
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9 comments
Exactly.
What is “normal”? In my eyes, there is no definition.
What do people mean when they say, “You’re not normal”? I don’t know. Maybe it just means you’re not as rude as them.
Everyone does things differently. Everyone acts in their own way usually because that’s how they feel most comfortable. For you, that’s laying back with a book. You love fantasy. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. Even at the age of sixteen.
You dislike people in the real world and never want to leave home. No problem. Not everyone likes company – I know I don’t. I like peace and quiet. I don’t like being surrounded by people who live to critisize others.
If others can’t accept this, then I’m afraid that’s their problem.
The whole “out and about” teenage years thing is just a stereotype. We don’t all love to leave the house hour after hour. Honestly, I know. I’m also sixteen.
Live your life how you want to, I say.
No one is normal. Just some hide behind it and hate those who don´t. Some times it is hard to trust real people because often they cause pain to us who are a little different from them. I love to disappear to other worlds by reading because in there I don´t have to afraid of others. In there we are safe and if others don´t understand it it´s there problem not oures. We are different. I have lost myself too and i´´ am trying to find myself again, you should find youreself too and if somebody doesn´t like it it´s there problem not yours.
You just described me. Just exchange books for anime/games and 16 years old for 24. But the problem is I’m tired to explain all the people that I’m not like they. So what is normal? Majority. If most of the people are psychopatic killers then to be the psychopatic killer is normal. Normal doesn’t mean the best, nor good it’s just the most wide-spread.
Your story rang me into the scene of Judy Garland’s tiptoeing to see the sky when singing the song “Over the Rainbow”.
The serene to explore the world, enjoying the little beauty that it could bring. The joy of life.
Normal in the state of mind, one can share the beauty of the surroundings.
I can relate a lot to what you’ve said. I am getting ready to finish up 11th grade and whenever I started high school I felt like I didn’t even know who I was. Instead of reading I get zoned into a video game, as for the company of real people, I don’t enjoy people either I get annoyed to easily. So personally I don’t see anything wrong with that, but at the same time it does help to have to have someone that can speak back to you when you really need it. The normal part well, honestly everyone has different backgrounds and morals to define normal, so really it just depends on the person.
Most people are not lucky enough to know what they want to do at your age. I was there myself, I am now 23 and know finally what I want to do with my life. Its felt like its taken forever. I used to think that life was pointless so why live. It took years, but I know who I am now, and you will find something you love to do, because not everyone is unhappy. And if you need to talk to someone I strongly suggest a support group or counselling. Counselling doesn’t mean you’re messed up, its just a great resource to talk to someone who know a lot about feelings and life, and to bounce ideas back and forth.
If it wasn’t for my counsellor I would have never figured out what I wanted to do in life. She helped me take that step, and I am now going to pay it forward in whatever way I can.
In highschool no one knows who they are. Everyone is pressured into different positions and corners. I hated high school, I was bullied and now I know why and I laugh thinking about it. They were jealous and threatened, I’m mentally a lot stronger than them, plus way smarter, but I didn’t know that in high school, I learnt it during my first year away from home at university.
It’s all about avoiding the pain that reality forces upon you. Life is pointless. The best you can do is protect yourself from the eventual pain that always finds you. I hate my life.
There is nothing wrong with loving to escape into fiction. “Normal” is just an expression, like you write. However, people can be said to be similar, like 3-leaf clovers are. But maybe you are a 4-leaf clover? Maybe you are less similar. And that is actually great, cause it means you are rarer, and your value just went up. But anyway, I agree that life is pointless, however that doesn’t mean that you can’t make a point of it. Some people choose to make a lot of money, some people spread the Gospel, some work as a nurse, some make music, etc. The point of life is up to you. And if you feel like it, you can even choose pointlessness, I know I do that some days. Or, you could eat a lot of hamburgers 😉
BTW, if you just feel bad, you might want to ask someone nice for help, even though you find people hard to take.